John William Tuohy lives in Washington DC

Hold on.

I wasted so much of my life not letting go and it cost me and it cost me dearly.  

I wouldn’t let go of the anger I held over the poverty of my childhood and over foster parents who used me for a punching bag and social workers who didn't know my name and I grew into an explosive man and because of that, people I loved feared me. 

Because I wouldn’t let go of the loss of my childhood, I lost people I loved as an adult. How stupid is that? I gave up people from the here and now so I could hold on to ghosts of the past so they could tormented me some more.

Because I carried around resentment against past betrayals and disappointments I forced people I loved to resentment me. I disappointed them because they saw things in me, good things, noble things, that I could not see in myself because I was so blinded by the fury of the past. 

It took me decades to figure out that I wasn’t fighting against those things like I thought I was. I wasn't fighting to get them out of my life.  No, I was fighting to hold on to those things, to keep them in my life. It’s what we do. It’s universal.  We fight to hold on. We fight not to let go and we do it because change isn’t easy but not letting go of past anger, resentments and betrayals cost more than any soul can afford.