The smell of freshly brewed coffee relaxed the cop as he sat at the counter, removed his hat and turned his radio down. Taking a plastic covered menu from its holder, he glanced it over and put it back. He knew the menu by heart. He’d eaten every selection on it this past year and what an awful year it was. He looked into the mirror in front of him that ran the length of the counter. He felt himself going there, to that miserable place where his daughter cried, and wife no longer loved him. And realizing he was going there, he pulled himself away by pressing his fingers hard into the counters linoleum cover.
He looked into the mirror again and recognized the man sitting one stool away from him on is right. Without turning to look at the man, he said, “Aren’t you one of the O’Donnells brothers?”
“I haven’t done anything, I’m just sitting here” the man answered without lifting his gaze from the counter.
“I didn’t say you did anything wrong” the cop answered calmly “I just asked a question, that’s all, no point in getting all rambunctious on me” and as soon as the last part of that sentence spilled out, he was sorry he said it.
The waitress poured the cops coffee and set a place for his breakfast.
The man turned to face the cop and said, “I’m Mick O’Donnell. Is that okay?”
The cop shrugged and made a motion with his hands that asked O’Donnell to calm down “I was just ask’n” the cop said, “That’s all.”
They stared straight ahead at the coffee pots for several minutes, each feeling uncomfortable with the other’s presences.
“Where are your brothers? Use to see you guys all together all the time” The cop asked, “There was two of them”
“Three” O’Donnell answered “Their dead. They died”
The cop turned in surprise to look him directly in the face “Dead?”
“Yeah” O’Donnell said with a slow nod to his reflection in the mirror.
“How?” The cop asked, genuinely surprised “What are you guys? In your forties, maybe?”
O’Donnell spoke without looking at the cop “Rory died a few years back, lung cancer. Cigarettes. Lonny died in prison doing time on an armed robbery charge. He was always sickly ”
“I remember that,” the cop said. “And the third one? You said there were three”
“Michael” O’Donnell answered. He tilted his head a bit to the cop “He was the youngest” and then looked back at the coffee pots “He was shot in California. Went out there to start over and bam! That’s that….some kind of dispute with his girlfriend’s family; we still don’t know what it was all about”
“I’m sorry. That’s hard luck.” The cop said, and he meant it. He watched O’Donnell count the change in his pocket and then order a cup of coffee and Danish. When the waitress came to take his order the cop said “get me bacon, two eggs over, toast and home fries” and then cocking a thumb at O’Donnell he added, “He’ll have the same, my check”
“You don’t have to do that” O’Donnell.
“I know” he answered, “I don’t have too, I want too”. He thought about what he had just said and remembered his pledge to tone down his edges and to strive to be a kinder, gentler person. He turned to O’Donnell and said “I guess I should’a asked you first”
“That’s all right,” O’Donnell said waving it off.
“Still” the cop replied “I would appreciate it if you would allow me to pick up breakfast”
“Sure,” O’Donnell said softly. He was hungry. “Any reason?”
“Well” he answered, picking up his coffee and taking the empty stool next to O’Donnell “I guess it’s my way of saying thank you, without the O’Donnells breaking the law every other week, I’d be without a job”
It was a well-intended but risky, quick intimacy, but O’Donnell pulled his head backwards and smiled broadly.
“So what are you doing now days?” the cop asked
“I’m a house painter,” O’Donnell said happily and reached into his worn shirt pocket, pulled out a white business card and handed it to him.
“Kids?” the cop asked as he took the card.
“A daughter” he answered “You? Married?”
“Separated” the cop answered “I got a temper issue, stress related and I also have issues relating to people’s situations. What’s that…? Um…em..empa”
“Empathy?” O’Donnell asked.
“Yeah!” the cop answered “There you go, that’s it. I’m work’n on it, you know”
O’Donnell leaned in close to the cop and said softly “Hey, listen. No shame in a day’s effort for a good thing, right? We all got stuff we’re working on”
Their breakfast arrived, and they fell into silence for a second, a nice, soft silence that caused them both to relax and lower their shoulders. Each of them wore a small, satisfied grin.
“You know,” the cop said “It feels good to say that out loud, the guys I’m seeing for my issues…. he halted abruptly “He’s a therapist guy, not a psychiatrist. I’m not nuts”
O’Donnell shrugged, Valley speak for “Its okay” and they both set about shoveling their breakfast off of it plate in mighty swings of their forks.
“But” the cop continued, “He says I’m supposed to talk about it, about what’s going on, you know? But who gonna talk to about that? I’m little embarrassed to tell you, I don’t have anybody I can talk to about that, but it goes on inside of you, you know?
“I know, I know”
“But let me say this, that’s why women live longer” he put down his fork and pushed his plate aside “Because women build what they call communities, like when their kids are little ones, toddlers, they have stay at home, Moms build communities, and walking clubs and all that. And that’s how they make new friends, that’s how they have a live outside of themselves. But men…”
“We don’t do that” O’Donnell continued for him “And that’s not good, you think too much, you get all inside of yourself, you get a heart attack and you die”
“And we should do that” the cop added “Somebody should organize that for guys, like a…um”
“Like a Priest or something”
“Yeah like a priest or something”
The cops radio called out. He listened to the noises coming out of the contraption and sipped the last of his coffee.
“That you?” O’Donnell asked with a nod to the radio.
“Yep, that me. What would they do without me?” he smiled.
“God only knows,” O’Donnell said and smiled in return as the cop peeled off several bills and left the on the counter.
“Hey, listen,” O’Donnell said as he stood to his feet “Thank you for breakfast. You working the day shift I guess huh? Well look, why don’t we grab some dinner, here, tonight, about six, you can talk, you know, empathize and all that, how’s that sound to you?...its better than eating alone right?”
The cop stretched out his hand and they shook “It is. I’ll see you then”