Among the manuscript books of
George Washington, preserved in the State Archives at Washington City, the
earliest bears the date, written in it by himself, 1745. Washington was born
February 11, 1731 O.S., so that while writing in this book he was either near
the close of his fourteenth, or in his fifteenth, year. It is entitled
"Forms of Writing," has thirty folio pages, and the contents, all in
his boyish handwriting, are sufficiently curious. Amid copied forms of
exchange, bonds, receipts, sales, and similar exercises, occasionally, in
ornate penmanship, there are poetic selections, among them lines of a religious
tone on "True Happiness." But the great interest of the book centres
in the pages headed: "Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company
and Conversation." The book had been gnawed at the bottom by Mount Vernon
mice, before it reached the State Archives, and nine of the 110 Rules have thus
suffered, the sense of several being lost.
1st.
Every Action done in Company
ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present.
All actions done before others should be
with some sign of
respectful feeling to the entire company.
2d.
When in Company, put not your
Hands to any Part of the Body not usually Discovered.
In the presence of any one, never
put your hand to any part of the person not usually uncovered. As for the hands
and face they are usually visible. In order to form a habit in this point of
decency, practise it even when with your intimate friend.
3d.
Shew Nothing to your Friend that
may affright him.
Show nothing to your companion
that may grieve him.
4th.
In the Presence of Others sing not to yourself
with a humming Noise, nor Drum, with your Fingers or Feet.
Do not seek amusement in singing
to yourself, unless beyond the hearing of others, nor drum with your hands or
feet.
5th.
If you Cough, Sneeze, Sigh, or
Yawn, do it not Loud, but Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put
your handkerchief or Hand before your face and turn aside.
Whenever you cough or sneeze, if
you can control these efforts of nature, do not let the sound be high or strong.
Do not heave sighs so piercing as to attract attention. Do not breathe heavily,
or make noises in yawning. If you can, abstain from yawning, especially while
with any one, or in conversation. For it is a plain sign of a certain dislike
of those with whom you dwell. If you cannot keep from yawning, at least be
careful not to speak while doing so, and not to gape excessively; press your
mouth adroitly or n turning a little from the company.
6th.
Sleep not when others Speak, Sit
not when others stand, Speak not when you should hold your Peace, walk not when
others Stop
It is an incivility and an
impertinence to doze while the company is conversing, to be seated while the
rest stand, to walk on when others pause, and to speak when you should be
silent, or listen. For those in authority, as a Master in school, there are
times and places when it is admissible to walk alone.
7th.
Put not off your Cloths in the
presence of Others, nor go out of your Chamber half Drest.
It is not seemly to leave your
bed disarranged, to dress or undress before others, or to leave your chamber
half-dressed, covered with a hood, or night-cap, or to remain standing in your
room or at your desk with open gown. And although you have a servant to make
your bed, nevertheless, take care when you go out to leave it uncovered.
8th.
At Play and at Fire its Good
manners to give Place to the last Commer, and affect not to Speak Louder than
ordenary.
It is impolite at play, or at the
fireside, to make the new-comers wait for places too long.
10th.
When you Sit down, Keep your Feet firm and
Even, without putting one on the other or Crossing them
When seated, the feet should be
placed well on the ground, in even distance with the legs, and neither a leg or
a foot should be crossed on the other.
11th.
Shift not yourself in the Sight of others nor
Gnaw your nails.
It is insufferably impolite to stretch the
body, extend the arms,
or to assume different postures.
Do not pare your nails in public,
much less gnaw them.
12th.
Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs
rowl not the Eys, lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth,
and bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by appr[oaching too nea]r [when] you
Speak.
Shake not the head, nor fidget
the legs, nor roll the eyes, nor frown, nor make mouths. Be careful not to let
saliva escape with your words, nor any spittle fly into the faces of those with
whom you converse. To avoid such accident do not approach them too near, but
keep at a reasonable distance.
13th
Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice
ticks &c in the Sight of Others, if you See any filth or thick Spittle put
your foot Dexteriously upon it if it be upon the Cloths of your Companions, Put
it off privately, and if it be upon your own Cloths return Thanks to him who
puts it off
Do not stop to kill a flea, or
other disgusting insect of the kind, in the presence of any one. If anything
disgusting offends the sight on the ground, as phlegm, etc., put your foot on
it. If it be on any garment of one to whom you are talking, do not show it to
him or another, but do your best to remove it unobserved. If any one oblige you
in a thing of that kind make him your acknowledgments.
14th.
Turn not your Back to others
especially in Speaking, Jog not the Table or Desk on which Another reads or
writes lean not upon any one.
When one meets people, it is very
unbecoming in speaking to them to turn one's back and shoulders to them. It is
an impertinent action to knock against the table, or to shake the desk, which
another person is using for reading or writing. It is uncivil to lean against
any one, or to pluck his dress when speaking to him, or while entertaining him
in conversation.
15th.
Keep your Nails clean and Short, also your
Hands and Teeth Clean, yet without Shewing any great Concern for them
Take good care not to stop, in
any sort of conversation, to adjust your bands, or to pull up your stockings to
make them join so as to look more gallant. Do not let your nails be full of
dirt or too long. Have a great regard for the cleanliness of your hands, but do
not be finikin about it.
16th.
Do not puff up the Cheeks, Loll not out the
tongue rub the Hands, or beard, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the
lips too open or too close.
It is very low to puff out the
cheeks, to put out the tongue, to pull one's beard, rub one's hands, poke out
or bite the lips, or to keep them too tightly closed or too open.
17th.
Be no Flatterer, neither Play
with any that delights not to be Play'd Withal.
Do not flatter or wheedle any one
with fair words, for he who aspires to gain another person by his honied words
shows that he does not hold him in high esteem and that he deems him far from
sensible or clever, in taking him for a man who may be tricked in this manner:
do not play practical jokes on those who do not like it.
18th.
Read no Letters, Books, or Papers
in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask
leave: come not near the Books or Writings of Another so as to read them unless
desired or give your opinion of them unask'd also look not nigh when another is
writing a
It is an act directly opposed to
politeness to read a book, letters or anything else during ordinary
conversation, if it be not a pressing matter, or only for a few moments, and
even in that case it is proper to ask leave unless you are, possibly, the
highest in rank of the company. It is even worse to handle other people's work,
their books or other things of that nature, to go close to them, to look at
them closely without the permission of the owner, and also to praise or find
fault with them before your opinion has been asked; to come too close to any
one near by, when he is reading his letters or anything else.
19th
Let your Countenance be pleasant
but in Serious Matters Somewhat grave
The face should not look
fantastic, changeable, absent, rapt in admiration, covered with sadness,
various and volatile, and it should not show any signs of an unquiet mind. On
the contrary, it should be open and tranquil, but not too expansive with joy in
serious affairs, nor too self-contained by an affected gravity in the ordinary
and familiar conversation of human life.
20th
The Gestures of the Body must be
Suited to the discourse you are upon
Hawkins i. 30. Let the gestures
of thy body, be agreeable to the matter of thy discourse. For it hath been ever
held a solaesime in oratory, to poynt to the Earth, when thou talkest of
Heaven.
Reproach none for their
Infirmities—avoid it equally when they are natural ones—and do not take
pleasure in uttering words that cause any one shame, whoever it may be.
22d.
Shew not yourself glad at the
Misfortune of another though he were your enemy
When thou shalt heare the misfortunes of
another, shew not thy selfe gladed for it, though it happ to thy enemy, for
that will argue a mind mischievous, and will convict thee of a desire to have
executed it thy selfe, had either power or opertunity seconded thy will.
When thou seest justice executed
on any, thou maist inwardly take delight in his vigilancy, to punish offenders,
because it tends to publique quiet, yet shew pity to the offender, and ever
Constitute the defect of his morality, thy precaution.
24th.
Do not laugh too loud or/ too
much at any Publick [spectacle, lest you cause yourself to be laughed at.
Laugh not too much or too Loud, in any
publique spectacle least for thy so doing, thou present thy selfe, the only
thing worthy to be laughed at.
25th.
Superfluous Complements and all Affectation of
Ceremony are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected
Though it is right to avoid too
great care in practising an affected civility, yet one must be exact in
observing what is necessary and advantageous in order to show a good education,
and all that cannot be omitted without shocking those with whom one is
conversing.
26th.
In pulling off your Hat to
Persons of Distinction, as Noblemen, Justices, Churchmen, &c make a
Reverence, bowing more or less according to the Custom of the Better Bred, and
Quality of the Persons. Amongst your equals expect not always that they Should
begin with you first, but to Pull off the Hat when there is no need is
Affectation, in the Manner of Saluting and resaluting in words keep to the most
usual Custom.
Show your respect for illustrious
and honourable men,—such as Ecclesiastics, Magistrates, or other persons of
quality,—hat in hand, holding the inside of the removed hat towards you; make
your reverence to them by inclining your body as much as the dignity of each
and the custom of well-bred youth seems to demand. And, as it is very rude not
to uncover the head before those to whom one owes such respect, in order to
salute them, or to wait till your equal should perform this duty towards you
first, so also, to do it when it is not fitting savours of affected politeness:
but it is shameful impertinence to be anxious for the return of one's salute.
Finally, it seems most fitting to salute any one in words, a compliment which
the politest persons are in the habit of using.
27th.
Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than
yourself be covered as well as not to do it to whom it's due. Likewise he that
makes too much haste to Put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to Put it on
at the first, or at most the Second time of being ask'd; now what is herein
Spoken, of Qualification in behaviour in Saluting, ought also to be observed in
taking of Place, and Sitting down for ceremonies without Bounds is troublesome.
It is very impolite to ask a
superior to be covered, as it is not to do so in the case of one with regard to
whom it is proper. And the man who is in haste to put his hat on, especially in
talking to a person of quality, or who, having been urged several times to do
so, refuses, shocks good manners; for this reason, after the first or second
request, it is allowable to put the hat on, unless in some province or kingdom
where the usage is otherwise. In fact, amongst equals, or with those who are
older, or who belong to religious orders, or domestics, it is allowable to
grant that request to one's equal or to a younger man, at the very first time.
However, those of equal rank, or between whom there is little difference of
rank, usually make the request and put on their hats at the same time. All the
remarks here made on polite conduct, must also be extended to the order to be
observed in taking places, and in sitting down; for the pleasure taken in
ceremonies and compliments is really irksome.
28th.
If any one come to Speak to you
while you are Sitting Stand up tho he be your Inferiour, and when you Present
Seats let it be to every one according to his Degree.
If you are sitting down when any
one pays you a call rise as soon as he comes near; whether his position demands
that deference, as having precedence over you, or if he be your equal, or
inferior; but not if he is on very intimate terms with you. If you are in your
own house, having any seat to offer, manage to treat each guest according to
his station.
29th.
When you meet with one of Greater Quality than
yourself, Stop, and retire especially if it be at a Door or any Straight place
to give way for him to Pass
["If you meet a superior in a narrow way,
stop, and press to make him more room."]
In meeting those to whom you
should shew respect beyond the salutations which are their due, you should stop
a little, or retreat to a threshold, or to the corner of the street, so as to
make way for them.
30th.
In walking the highest Place in
most Countrys Seems to be on the right hand therefore Place yourself on the
left of him whom you desire to Honour: but if three walk together the middle
Place is the most Honourable the wall is usually given to the most worthy if
two walk together.
If you happen to take a walk with
them, always give them the place of honour, which is that pointed out by usage.
To speak generally, it appears that several nations have made it a custom that
the right should always be held as a mark of esteem, so that, when any one
wishes to honour another, he will put him on his right, himself taking the
left. When three are walking together, he of the highest quality always has the
middle: he who takes the right has the second place, and the other who remains
on the left has the third. But in France, when walking by the side of a wall,
that place being almost always higher and cleaner because of the slope, the
custom almost always is that it be yielded to the man of the highest quality,
and particularly when two are walking together.
31st.
If any one far Surpasses others,
either in age Estate, or Merit [yet, in any particular instance,] would give
Place to a meaner than himself [in his own house or elsewhere] the one ought
not to except it, So [the other, for fear of making him appear uncivil, ought
not to press] it above once or twice.
If he who is much the older, or
has the advantage of rank, wishes, in his house or elsewhere, to honour his
inferior, as it is not fitting that such inferior should think himself worthy,
so also the superior must not press him too much or show such deference more
than once or twice, lest the assiduity of his reiterated requests lower
somewhat the good opinion which he who refuses, had conceived of his tact and
courtesy, or lest, at last, it cause him to be guilty of some incivility.
32d.
To one that is your equal, or not
much inferior you are to give the chief Place in your Lodging and he to who
'tis offered ought at the first to refuse it but at the Second to accept though
not without acknowledging his own unworthiness
But amongst equals, it is quite
right, in receiving any one into one's house, to give him the most honourable
place; and the person to whom one accords such a good reception ought at first
rather to refuse it, but, when his friend insists a second time, he ought to
obey him.
33d.
They that are in Dignity or in
office have in all places Preceedency but whilst they are Young they ought to
respect those that are their equals in Birth or other Qualitys, though they
have no Publick charge.
In every company the first place
is always given to those in command, or in power, or who exercise judicial
charges. But these, if young, should realise that they ought to respect those
who belong to houses as noble as their own, or who are much older, and those
honoured with the degree of Doctor, though not exercising any public function;
and moreover they ought, at first, to return an offer of the highest place, and
afterwards receive that honour modestly, as a favour.
34th.
It is good Manners to prefer them
to whom we speak before ourselves especially if they be above us with whom in
no Sort we ought to begin.
It is the height of politeness
always to speak better of those with whom we have to converse than of
ourselves. And particularly when they are persons of a superior rank to
ourselves, with whom we ought never to dispute in any fashion.
35th.
Let your Discourse with Men of
Business be Short and Comprehensive.
Time and place, age and the
difference between persons, ought to regulate the whole custom of compliments
as is done amongst the most polite, especially compliments that consist in
words. But one should cut matters short with men of business, and not put one's
fine flowerets under their nose; one should spare them, and make himself
understood rather by looks than words.
36th.
Artificers & Persons of low Degree ought
not to use many ceremonies to Lords, or Others of high Degree but Respect and
highly Honour them, and those of high Degree ought to treat them with
affibility & Courtesie, without Arrogancy
As the care for the most refined
politeness ought not to trouble much the minds of artizans and of the dregs of
the people, as regards Nobles and Magistrates, while it is reasonable that they
should take care to honour such, so it is also right that the nobility should treat
them gently, spare them, and avoid all manner of arrogance.
37th.
In Speaking to men of Quality do
not lean nor Look them full in the Face, nor approach too near them at lest
Keep a full Pace from them.
In speaking to persons of
quality, do not lean your body on any thing; do not raise your eyes to their
face; do not go too near, and manage to keep a full step from them.
38th.
In visiting the Sick, do not
Presently play the Physicion if you be not Knowing therein.
When you go to see any sick person do not
immediately act the physician if you are
not experienced in that science.
39th.
In writing or Speaking, give to
every Person his due Title According to his Degree & the Custom of the
Place.
In addressing letters to persons
held in public esteem, you will be regulated by the Customs of the country and
the degree of their dignity. When you have finished your letters, read them
over again so as to correct mistakes; sand the writing, when necessary, and
never fold your paper until the letters are quite dry, lest they be effaced.
40th.
Strive not with your Superiers in
argument, but always Submit your Judgment to others with Modesty
Strive not with thy Superiours,
in argument or discourse, but alwayes submit thy opinion to their riper
judgment, with modesty; since the possibility of Erring, doth rather accompany
greene than gray hairs.
41st.
Undertake not to teach your equal
in the art himself Professes; it flavours of arrogancy.
Doe not undertake to teach thy
equal, in the Art himself professeth, for that will savour of Arrogancy, and
serve for little other than to brand thy judgment with Rashnesse.
42d.
Let your ceremonies in/ curtesie
be proper to the Dignity of his place [with whom you converse; it is absurd to
ac]t ye same with a Clown and a Prince.
. Let thy Seremonyes in Courtesy
be proper to the dignity and place, of him with whom thou conversest. For it is
absurd to honour a Clown with words courtly and of magnificence.
43d.
Do not express Joy before one
sick or in pain for that contrary Passion will aggravate his Misery
Do not thou expresse joy before
one sick, or in paine; for that contrary passion, will aggravate his misery.
But do thou rather sympathize his infirmityes, for that will afford a gratefull
easement, by a seeming participation.
44th.
When a man does all he can though it Succeeds
not well blame not him that did it.
The man who does all he can to
advance your business, even though he should not bring it about, and may not be
able to obtain the success you hoped for, ought not to hear reproaches, since
he is more worthy of praise than of blame.
45th.
Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider
whether it ought to be in publick or in Private; presently, or at Some other
time in what terms to do it & in reproving Shew no signs of Cholar but do
it with all Sweetness and Mildness
If you have to exhort or to
reproach any one, consider whether it be better to do so in private or in
public; at this time or another and, above all, what words you should use: and
particularly when some one having been already reprimanded at other times does
not correct himself of his past faults, and does not promise any amendment. And
if you give any advice, or impart any reprimand, carefully avoid anger; on the
contrary, do such acts with moderation and sweetness.
46th.
Take all Admonitions thankfully in what Time
or Place Soever given but afterwards not being culpable take a Time or Place
Convenient to let him know it that gave them.
Also when any one takes the
trouble to rebuke you, no matter how, where, or when he does it, hear him for
your part with much feeling of goodwill and acknowledgment. And after that, if
innocent, and it seems right to prove yourself so, you will be quite at liberty
to do so; being careful, however, to choose a proper time, and rather to make
him see the truth, and relieve him from anxiety,—the more if you are in his
charge or depend on his authority—than to defend yourself with some excuse.
47th.
Mock not nor Jest at anything of
Importance break no Jest that are Sharp Biting, and if you Deliver anything
witty and Pleasent abtain from Laughing thereat yourself.
Do not divert yourself with
equivoques, either in important or in mean matters. If you find good occasion
for a joke, be careful not to bite, still less to tear, like a dog. Witticisms
and repartee should be to the point, and should have elegance and
appropriateness without exciting the indignation of any. Do not let your
pleasantries degenerate into those of buffoons, who raise laughter by
extravagant representations and indecent action. If you are clever in repartee,
if you say a good thing, manage if possible, in making others laugh, to abstain
from it yourself.
48th.
Wherein wherein you reprove Another be
unblameable yourself; for example is is more prevalent than Precepts
Be sure thy conversation be in that poynt
vertuous, wherein thou art desirous to retaine another, least thy Actions
render thy advice unprofitable. Since the ratification of any advice is the
serious prosecution of that vertue. For example hath ever been more prevalent
than precept.
49th.
Use no Reproachfull Language
against any one neither Curse nor Revile
. Use no reproachfull language
against any man, nor Curse, or Revile. For improperations and imprecations will
rather betray thy affections than in any manner, hurt him against whom thou
utters them.
50th.
Be not hasty to believe flying Reports to the
Disparagement of any
Thou oughtest not too suddenly to believe a
flying Rumour of a friend, or any other. But let charity guid thy judgment,
untill more certainty: for by this meanes thou securest his Reputation, and
frees thy self of rashness.
51st.
Wear not your Cloths, foul, unript or Dusty
but See they be Brush'd once every day at least and take heed that you approach
not to any Uncleanness
Do not let your clothes be dirty,
torn, covered with dust or threadbare. Have them brushed at least once a day.
And take care also in what place you sit down, or kneel, or rest your elbows,
that it be not unfit or filthy. Do not carry your cloak over your arm after the
manner of swaggerers. And when you take off your coat or cloak, fold them
neatly and carefully, and take care where you put them.
52nd.
In your Apparel be Modest and
endeavour to accomodate Nature, rather than to procure Admiration keep to the
Fashion of your equals Such as are Civil and orderly with respect to Times and
Places
Always choose clothes like those
of your companions who pass for the most genteel and moderate, in discreet
consideration of time and place: and more, make it a point to be the most
simply and modestly dressed of all your equals, rather than to affect the
finest raiment.
53d.
Run not in the Streets, neither
go too slowly nor with Mouth open go not Shaking y'r Arms [stamping, or
shuffling; nor pull up your stockings in the street. Walk] not upon the toes,
nor in a Dancing [or skipping manner, nor yet with measured steps. Strike not
the heels together, nor stoop when there is no occasion]
In walking guard against hurried
steps, or having your mouth open and gaping; and do not move your body too
much, or stoop, or let your hands hang down, or move and shake your arms; walk
without striking the ground too hard or throwing your feet this way and that.
That sort of action also demands these conditions,—not to stop to pull up one's
stockings in the street, not to walk on the toes, or in a skipping rising as in
dancing; do not stoop, nor bend the head; do not advance with measured steps;
do not strike the heels against each other on entering church, nor leave it
bareheaded, unless devotion requires it, as in accompanying the Holy Sacrament.
54th.
Play not the Peacock, looking
everywhere about you, to See if you be well Deck't, if your Shoes fit well if
your Stockings Sit neatly, and Cloths handsomely.
Do not delight in strutting like
a peacock, or look proudly around to see if you are well decked, if your
breeches and other clothes fit well. Do not leave your room carrying your pen
in your mouth or behind your ear. Do not indulge yourself by putting flowers in
your ears, cap, or hat. Do not hold your pocket-handkerchief in your hand,
hanging from your mouth, at your girdle, under your armpit, on your shoulder,
or stuffed under your coat. Put it in some place where it cannot be seen, but
from whence you may easily draw it when you want it. Never offer it to anybody
unless it be quite clean, or hardly unfolded.
55th.
Eat not in the Streets, nor in ye
House, out of Season.
Never walk on the roads eating,
whether alone or in company, especially amid the crowd in a town. Do not set to
eating even in the house out of meal-times; at least abstain from it in the
presence of others.
56th.
Associate yourself with Men of
good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for 'tis better to be alone
than in bad Company.
If you wish to pass as genteel,
always go with well-bred people; if you cannot get the chance,—from not knowing
any, or any other reason,—it is always better to go alone than in bad company.
57th.
In walking up and Down in a House, only with
One in Company if he be Greater than yourself, at the first give him the Right
hand and Stop not till he does and be not the first that turns, and when you do
turn let it be with your face towards him, it he be a Man of Great Quality,
walk not with him Cheek by Jowl but Somewhat behind him; but yet in such a
Manner that he may easily Speak to you.
If you are walking about the
house alone with a person whose rank demands some deference, at the very first
step be sure and give him the right hand: Do not stop walking if he does not
wish to stop: Be not the first to change the diversion, and, in turning, never
show him your shoulder but always your face. If he has a high public
appointment take care not to walk quite side by side with him but a very little
behind him with so much exactness and moderation that he may be able to speak
to you without inconvenience. If he is your equal in rank, keep step with him
during the whole walk, and do not always turn first at every end of the walk.
Do not stop often midway without reason, such liberty touches his dignity and
gives dissatisfaction. He who is the centre of the company by whom he is surrounded
ought, if those of whom it consists are equal or nearly equal in rank, always
to turn to the right once during the walk, and if they are manifestly unequal,
he should oftenest turn towards the most distinguished. Lastly those who are
about him should always turn round towards his side and at the same time as he,
neither before nor after, as he is, so to say, the object of the walk.
58th.
let your conversation be without
malice or envy, for 'tis a sign of a tractable and commendable nature: & in
all causes of passion admit reason to govern
Let thy conversation be without malice or
envye, for that is a signe of a tractable and commendable nature. And in all
causes of passion, admit reason for thy governesse. So shall thy Reputation be
either altogether inviolable, or at the least not stayned with common
Tinctures.
59th.
Never express anything
unbecoming, nor Act against the Rules Moral before your inferiours
'A man should not divertise
himself with his Inferiors, nor make his Servants privy to his infirmities and
failures.']
Never expresse any thing unbeseeming, nor act
against the Rules morall, before thy inferiours, For in these things, thy own
guilt will multiply Crimes by example, and as it were, confirme Ill by
authority.
60th.
Be not immodest in urging your Friends to
Discover a Secret
Be not immodest in urging thy
friend to discover his secrets; lest an accidentall discovery of them work a
breach in your amitye.
61st.
Utter not base and frivilous
things amongst grave and Learn'd Men nor very Difficult Questions or Subjects,
among the Ignorant or things hard to be believed, Stuff not your Discourse with
Sentences amongst your Betters nor Equals
When talking with learned and clever men, do
not introduce trifles, and do not bring forward too advanced conversation
before ignorant people which they cannot understand nor easily believe. Do not
always begin with proverbs, especially among your equals, and still less with
your superiors. Do not speak of things out of place, or of such as may shock
your hearers. At banquets and on days of rejoicing do not bring up sorrowful
news or accounts of sad calamities, no filth, nothing improper, nothing
afflicting. On the contrary, if such conversation is begun by any one else, do
your best adroitly to turn the subject. Never relate your dreams except to your
confidants, and then only to profit by their interpretation, taking care not to
put the least belief in it.
62d.
Speak not of doleful Things in a
Time of Mirth or at the Table; Speak not of Melancholy Things as Death and
Wounds, and if others Mention them Change if you can the Discourse tell not
your Dreams, but to your intimate Friend
A well-bred person never makes
parade of his good actions, wit, virtue, and other good and praiseworthy
qualities; on the contrary, one ought never to speak with another about his
high birth, the nobility of his parents, his wealth or dignities, unless
obliged to do so. But one need not efface himself altogether.
64'th
Break not a Jest where none take
pleasure in mirth Laugh not aloud, nor at all without Occasion, deride no man's
Misfortune, tho' there seem to be Some cause
Jesting must be avoided when it
is out of season. Beware of bursting out into laughter, beyond the limits of
decorum, and of doing so without reasonable cause, merely from an inclination
to laugh. Never laugh at the misfortunes of others, although they seem in some
sort laughable
65th
Speak not injurious Words neither
in Jest nor Earnest Scoff at none although they give Occasion
Never give nicknames, whether in
fun or not. Take care not to hurt anybody, whoever it may be; do not mock any
one, especially persons of distinction, although there be occasion.
66th
Be not forward but friendly and
Courteous; the first to Salute hear and answer & be not Pensive when it's a
time to converse.
Do not be glum and unfriendly of
approach; but affable, prompt in rendering kind offices, and always the first
to salute. Listen carefully to what is said and respond; do not keep aloof when
duty requires you to take a share in the conversation.
67th.
Detract not from others neither
be excessive in Commending.
'Carry even between adulation and soureness.'
Take care not to speak ill of any
one or to gossip of other people's affairs. At the same time do not forget
moderation in your praises.
Do not force yourself into
interviews or consultations at which you are not sure of being welcome. Never
give your advice on matters when it has not been asked, unless you happen to be
the highest in authority; and do not let it be done out of place or without
prospect of any benefit. When your opinion is requested, be brief, and reach
quickly the knot of the matter under discussion.
69th
If two contend together take not
the part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your Opinion, in
Things indiferent be of the Major side.
'Thrust not your self to be Moderator or
Umpire in Controversies, till required’
If two persons have anything to
decide between themselves do not take the part of either unless some pressing
reason obliges you to do so. Do not maintain your ideas too obstinately. In
matters in which opinions are free, always take the side which has the most
support.
70th
Reprehend not the imperfections of others for
that belongs to Parents Masters and Superiors.
Do not be the censor and judge of
other peoples' faults, for that only belongs to masters, fathers, and those who
have some superiority. But it is nevertheless allowable for you to show an
aversion you have conceived. And at times you may give advantageous advice to
those who are in the wrong.
71st.
Gaze not at the marks or
blemishes of Others and ask not how they came. What you may Speak in Secret to
your Friend deliver not before others
Take no pleasure in examining
curiously defects or blemishes, although natural, especially if they be in the
face, nor enquire what they proceed from. What you would readily say in the ear
of a friend ought to be preserved under the key of silence when you are in
society.
72d.
Speak not in an unknown Tongue in Company but
in your own Language and that as those of Quality do and not as y'e Vulgar;
Sublime matters treat Seriously.
In your conversation never use a
language with which you are not thoroughly acquainted and familiar, unless in
some very urgent case to render your idea more clearly. Always speak in your
native and mother tongue, not coarsely like the dregs of the people, or poor
chamber-maids, but like the most refined and well-to-do citizens, with
erudition and elegance. And in your discourse take care to observe the rules of
decorum and modesty, and be sure to avoid rather risky tales; do not whisper
such to another, and do not indulge them too frequently in sport. Do not use
low, base or vulgar expressions when treating of serious and sublime subjects.
73'd.
Think before you Speak pronounce not
imperfectly nor bring out your Words too hastily but orderly and Distinctly
Do not begin speaking unless you
are quite prepared, and have well studied your subject. In ordinary
conversation do not seek periphrases, subtleties, or figures of speech. Do not
let your words become confused by too abrupt or hesitating a delivery, and do
not let your speech be so slow and broken as to become tedious.
74th
When Another Speaks be attentive
your Self and disturb not the Audience if any hesitate in his Words help him
not nor Prompt him without desired, Interrupt him not, nor Answer him till his
Speech be ended
[Sidenote: Hawkins: 'If any drawl forth his
words, help him not']
[Sidenote: The later French book
has: 'It is not Civil when a Person of Quality hesitates or stops in his
discourse for you to strike in, though with pretence of helping his memory.']
When another person is speaking,
beware of drawing off the attention of his hearers; and as for yourself, listen
to him favourably and attentively, without turning your eyes aside or directing
your thoughts elsewhere. If any one finds difficulty in expressing himself, do
not amuse yourself by suggesting words to him, so as to show a desire to assist
the speaker unless he so requests or you are quite in private, and the person
is also one of your most intimate and familiar friends. Above all, do not
interrupt him, and in nowise reply to him until he has finished.
75th.
In the midst of Discourse ask
[not what it is about], but if you Perceive any Stop because of [your arrival,
rather request the speaker] to Proceed: If a Person of Quality comes in while
your Conversing its handsome to Repeat what was said before
'It is seemely to make a little
Epilogue and briefe collection of what thou deliveredst.
If you arrive in the middle of
any discussion, do not ask what it is about; for that is too bold and savours
of one in authority. Rather ask, genteelly and courteously, that it may be
continued, if you see that the speaker has paused on your arrival, out of
civility. On the other hand, if any one comes whilst you are speaking, and
particularly if it be a person of quality or of merit, it is in accordance with
good manners to give a slight recapitulation of what has been advanced, and
then carry out the deduction of all the rest of the matter.
76th.
While you are talking, Point not with your
Finger at him of Whom you Discourse nor Approach too near him to whom you talk
especially to his face
Do not point your finger at the
person of whom you are speaking, and do not go too near any one with whom you
are conversing, especially not near his face, which should always be held in
some reverence.
77th.
Treat with men at fit Times about
Business & Whisper not in the Company of Others
If you have any particular matter
to communicate to one of two persons or of several, who are talking together,
finish it off in three words, and do not whisper in his ear what you have to
say; if the matter be secret, take him aside a little, if possible, and nothing
prevents; speak to him in the language which those present understand.
78th.
Make no Comparisons and if any of
the Company be Commended for any brave act of Virtue, commend not another for
the Same
Abstain from drawing comparisons
between different persons; and if any one is praised for a good action, or for
his virtue, do not praise another for the same. For all comparisons are odious.
79th.
Be not apt to relate News if you know not the
truth thereof. In Discoursing of things you Have heard Name not your Author
always A Secret Discover not
'Discover not the secret of a
friend, it argues a shallow understanding and a weakness.'
Be not apt to relate rumours of
events, if you know not their truth. And in repeating such things do not
mention your authority, unless you are sure he will like it. Always keep the
secret confided to you; tell it to no one, lest it be divulged.
80th.
Be not Tedious in Discourse or in reading
unless you find the Company pleased therewith
If you are relating or reading
anything, or arguing any point, be brief,—particularly when the subject is of
small importance, or if you detect weariness in the listeners.
81st.
Be not Curious to Know the Affairs of Others
neither approach to those that Speak in Private
Do not show any curiosity about
other people's affairs, and do not
go near the place where persons are
talking in private.
82d.
Undertake not what you cannot
Perform but be Carefull to keep your Promise
Do not undertake anything that you cannot
perform; keep your promise.
83d.
When you deliver a matter do it without
Passion & with Discretion, however mean y'e Person be you do it too
When you fulfil a mission,
deliver a report, or undertake the opening of any matter, try to do it
dispassionately and discreetly, whether those with whom you have to treat be of
humble or high position.
84th.
When your Superiours talk to any
Body hearken not neither Speak nor Laugh
When your Superiors talk to any
one, do not speak, laugh, or listen.
85th.
In Company of these of Higher
Quality than yourself Speak not till you are ask'd a Question then Stand
upright put of your Hat & Answer in few words
Being with persons of higher
position than yourself, and especially if they have authority over you, do not
speak until you are interrogated; then rise, remove your hat, and answer in few
words,—unless indeed you are invited to remain seated, or to keep your hat on.
86th.
In Disputes, be not so Desirous
to Overcome as not to give Liberty to each one to deliver his Opinion and
Submit to y'e Judgment of y'e Major Part especially if they are Judges of the
Dispute.
In disputes that arise,
especially in conversation, be not so desirous to overcome as not to leave each
one liberty to deliver his opinion; and whether you be wrong or right you
should acquiesce in the judgment of the majority, or even of the most
persistent, all the more if they are your masters or patrons, or judges of the
discussion.
87th.
[Let your bearing be such] as
becomes a Man Grave Settled and attentive [to what is said, without being too
serious. Contradict not at every turn what others Say
35. Let your bearing be that of a
moderately grave, serious man, and attentive to what is said so as to avoid
having to say every moment: 'How did that happen? I did not understand
you,'—and other similar foolish remarks.
33. Do not continually contradict
what others say, by disputing and saying: 'That is not the case, it is as I
say;' but defer to the opinion of others, especially in matters of small
consequence.
88th.
Be not tedious in Discourse, make
not many Digressions, nor repeat often the Same manner of Discourse
Do not take a year in your
preface, or in certain long apologies or ceremonies, such as: 'Pardon me Sir if
I do not know how to express myself sufficiently well, &.c.; nevertheless
in order to obey you,' &c., and other similarly tedious and stupid
circumlocutions; but enter promptly on the subject, as far as possible, with
moderate boldness; then continue to the end without hesitation. Do not be prolix;
avoid digressions; do not often reiterate the same expression.
89th.
Speak not Evil of the absent for it is unjust
Speak not evill of one absent, for it is
unjust to detract from the worth of any, or besmeare a good name by condemning,
where the party is not present, to clear himselfe, or undergo a rationall
conviction.
90th.
Being Set at meat Scratch not
neither Spit Cough or blow your Nose except there's a Necessity for it
Being seated at the table, do not
scratch yourself, and if you can help it, do not spit, cough, or blow your
nose; should either be necessary do it adroitly, with least noise, turning the
face aside.
(In the Washington MS. there is a notable
omission of all that is
said in the French and English books
concerning grace before meat. At
Washington's table grace was never said.)
91st.
Make no Shew of taking great
Delight in your Victuals, Feed not with Greediness; cut your Bread with a
Knife, lean not on the Table neither find fault with what you Eat.
(At Washington's table it was a custom to
invite each guest to call for the wine he preferred.)
92d.
Take no Salt or cut Bread with
your Knife Greasy.
In taking salt be careful that
the knife is not greasy: when necessary your knife or fork may with propriety
be cleaned on a piece of bread,—or, as is done in some places, with the
napkin,—but it must never be wiped on the whole loaf.
93d.
Entertaining any one at table it
is decent to present him w't meat, Undertake not to help others undesired by
y'e Master
When entertaining any one it is
polite to serve him at table and to present the dishes to him, even such as are
near him. When invited by another it is more seemly to wait to be served by the
host, or some one else, than to take the dishes oneself, unless the host begs
the guests to help themselves freely, or one is at home in the house. One ought
also not to be officious in helping others when out of one's own house, where
one has but little authority, unless the guests are very numerous and the host
cannot attend to everything; in that case we may help those nearest us.
94th.
If you Soak bread in the Sauce
let it be no more than what you put in your Mouth at a time and blow not your
broth at Table but Stay till Cools of it Self
If you dip bread or meat into the
gravy, do not do so immediately after biting a piece off, but dip each time a
moderately-sized morsel which can be eaten at one mouthful. (11.) Do not blow
on the viands, but if they are hot, wait till they cool. Soup may be cooled by
stirring it gently with a spoon, but it is not becoming to drink up the soup at
table. It should be taken with a spoon.
95th.
Put not your meat to your Mouth
with your Knife in your hand neither Spit forth the Stones of any fruit Pye
upon a Dish nor cast anything under the table
Do not carry a morsel to your
mouth, knife in hand, like the rustics. (16.) Moreover, it does not seem well bred
to spit out the kernels of prunes, cherries, or anything of the kind, on your
plate, but, as already said, they should be decently collected in the left hand
(raised to the mouth), and placed on the edge of the plate. (15.) Bones, peel,
wine, and the like, should not be thrown under the table.
96th.
Its unbecoming to Stoop much to one's Meat
Keep your Fingers clean& when foul wipe them on a Corner of your Table
Napkin.
It is ill-bred to stoop too close
to one's porringer or the meat. It suffices to bend a little when conveying a
soaked morsel to one's mouth, in order to avoid soiling oneself, then
straighten up again. (25.) Do not clean your hands on a loaf; if very greasy
you might, it would seem, partly clean them on a bit of bread you are about to
eat, then on your napkin, so as not to soil the latter too much: this will
rarely happen if you know how to use spoon and fork in the most approved
manner. Much less should you lick your fingers, especially not suck them
noisily.
97th.
Put not another bit into your
Mouth till the former be Swallowed let not your Morsels be too big for the
jowls
Carry not another morsel to the
mouth till the other be swallowed, and let each be such as will not stretch the
jaws beyond measure; do not take both hands to raise a morsel to the mouth,
but, usually, serve yourself with the right hand.
98th.
Drink not nor talk with your
mouth full neither Gaze about you while you are a Drinking
Do not drink with your mouth full
of food; do not ask anything while drinking, nor talk, nor turn round; and do
not drink because your neighbour does, or the head of the table. (33.) While
drinking, gaze not here and there.
99th.
Drink not too leisurely nor yet
too hastily. Before and after Drinking wipe your Lips breath not then or Ever
with too Great a Noise, for its uncivil
Drink neither too slowly nor too
hastily, nor as if gulping the wine, nor too frequently, nor without water—as
drunkards do. Wipe your lips before and after drinking, and do not breathe too
loudly then or at any other time, for that is very inelegant.
100th.
Cleanse not your teeth with the
Table Cloth Napkin Fork or Knife but if Others do it let it be done w't a Pick
Tooth
Do not clean your teeth with the
tablecloth, napkin, finger, fork, or knife. It were still more objectionable to
do so with the nails. Use a toothpick. It also does not appear well-bred to
pick them at table, unless others do so, and where such is a custom of the more
gentlemanly.
101st.
Rince not your Mouth in the
Presence of Others
Do not rinse your mouth with
wine, to be rejected in the presence of others; but, having left the table,
accustom yourself to wash your hands with the rest. As to the mouth, it does
not appear proper to wash it in company at all, and consequently when an opportunity
of washing is offered, even at the table, the hands only should be washed.
102d.
It is out of use to call upon the
Company often to Eat nor need you Drink to others every Time you Drink
It is not commendable, and now
almost out of fashion, to call on the company to eat, especially to invite them
too often and urgently, for it appears to take away their freedom. Much less
should you drink to others every time you drink: if one drinks to you, it is
permissible to decline modestly, thanking him gracefully, and acknowledging
your response; or you may well sip a little wine for courtesy, especially with
people who are accustomed to it, and who are offended by refusal.
103d.
In Company of your Betters be not
[longer in eating] than they are lay not your Arm but ar[ise with only a touch
on the edge of the table.]
When the rest have finished eating, you
should do the same quickly; do not hold
your arms on the table, but only place your hands on the edge of it.
104th.
It belongs to y'e Chiefest in
Company to unfold his Napkin and fall to Meat first, But he ought to begin in
time & to Dispatch with Dexterity that y'e Slowest may have time allowed
him
It is for the most distinguished
member of the company to unfold first his napkin and touch the food, and the
rest should wait quietly, without laying hand on anything before he does. (46.)
On the other hand, he ought in due time to commence, to consider everything,
entertaining the guests, and managing all so adroitly as to give time to the
more dilatory to eat at their leisure; if necessary for this, slowly tasting
the viands, or, when table-talk is permissible, introducing a little chat
during the meal, so that the others can finish at their ease.
105th.
Be not Angry at Table whatever happens &
if you have reason to be so, Shew it not put on a Chearfull Countenance
especially if there be Strangers for good Humour makes one Dish of Meat a Feast
'A cheerefull countenance makes one dish a
Feast.'
Never be angry at table, no
matter what may happen, or even if you have cause for anger, do not show it,
especially if strangers are present.
106th.
Set not yourself at y'e upper
[end] of y'e Table but if it be your Due or that y'e Master of y'e house will
have it so, Contend not least you Should Trouble y'e company.
'Desire not the highest place, nor be
troublesome with impertinent debasing yourself by refusing,' etc.
Seat not yourself voluntarily at
the top; but if the place properly belongs to you, or the master of the house
so wills, do not offer so much resistance to its acceptance as to annoy the
company.
107th.
If others talk at Table be
attentive but talk not with Meat in your Mouth
If there be reading or chat at table, be
attentive, and if you have to speak, do not speak with your mouth full.
108th.
When you Speak of God or his
Attributes, let it be Seriously & [with words of] Reverence. Honour &
obey your Natural Parents altho they be Poor
Let thy speeches be seriously reverent when
thou speakest of God or his Attributes, for to jest or utter thy selfe lightly
in matters divine, is an unhappy impiety, provoking heaven to justice, and
urging all men to suspect thy beliefe.—vii. (unnumbered) Honour and obey thy
natural parents although they be poor; for if thy earthly Parents cannot give
thee riches and honour, yet thy heavenly Father hath promised thee length of
days.
109th.
Let your Recreations be Manfull
not Sinfull.
Let thy recreations be manful not sinful;
there is a great vanity in the baiting of Beasts, the Bears and Bulls lived
quietly enough before the fall; it was our sin that set them together by the
ears, rejoyce not therefore to see them fight, for that would be to glory in
thy shame.
110th.
Labour to keep alive in your
Breast that Little Spark of Celestial fire called Conscience.
Labour to keep alive in thy breast, that
little sparke of Celestial fire called Conscience, for Conscience to an evil
man is a never dying worm, but unto a good man its a perpetual feast.