In a prominent bar in Secaucus one day
Rose a lady in skunk with a topheavy
sway,
Raised a knobby red finger–all turned
from their beer–
While with eyes bright as snowcrust she
sang high and clear:
‘Now who of you'd think from an eyeload
of me
That I once was a lady as proud as could
be?
Oh I'd never sit down by a tumbledown
drunk
If it wasn't, my dears, for the high cost
of junk.
‘All the gents used to swear that the
white of my calf
Beat the down of the swan by a length and
a half.
In the kerchief of linen I caught to my
nose
Ah, there never fell snot, but a little
gold rose.
‘I had seven gold teeth and a toothpick
of gold,
My Virginia cheroot was a leaf of it
rolled
And I'd light it each time with a
thousand in cash–
Why the bums used to fight if I flicked
them an ash.
‘Once the toast of the Biltmore, the
belle of the Taft,
I would drink bottle beer at the Drake,
never draught,
And dine at the Astor on Salisbury steak
With a clean tablecloth for each bite I
did take.
‘In a car like the Roxy I'd roll to the
track,
A steel-guitar trio, a bar in the back,
And the wheels made no noise, they turned
ever so fast,
Still it took you ten minutes to see me
go past.
‘When the horses bowed down to me that I
might choose,
I bet on them all, for I hated to lose.
Now I'm saddled each night for my butter
and eggs
And the broken threads race down the
backs of my legs.
‘Let you hold in mind, girls, that your
beauty must pass
Like a lovely white clover that rusts
with its grass.
Keep your bottoms off barstools and marry
you young
Or be left–an old barrel with many a
bung.
‘For when time takes you out for a spin
in his car
You'll be hard-pressed to stop him from
going too far
And be left by the roadside, for all your
good deeds,
Two toadstools for tits and a face full
of weeds.'
All the house raised a cheer, but the man
at the bar
Made a phone call and up pulled a red
patrol car
And she blew us a kiss as they copped her
away
From that prominent bar in Secaucus, N.J.
