Welcome

Welcome
John William Tuohy lives in Washington DC

Here are my general orders for getting through bad times;



Stay positive.

This is the mantra for bad times “This too shall pass” not even the worst storm lasts forever.

Stay positive.

Hold over making any big decision in a bad time, you may regret it later.

Stay positive.

Talk to God, tell him what’s going on and ask for help (You should probably do this first)



and always remember, laugh and have fun, life is short, create happy memories 



Awful but true


Last Night


Mary and I attended a fundraiser last night for "My Sister Place" a shelter for battered women and then grabbed a late dinner at the Tabbard Inn one of our favorite places in the city.

http://tabardinn.com/

http://www.mysistersplacedc.org/

I learn a new word once a week

Impedimenta (im-ped-uh-MEN-tuh)  Baggage, supplies, or equipment related to an activity or expedition, especially when regarded as slowing one's progress. From Latin, plural of impedimentum, from impedire (to impede), from im-/in- (in) + ped- (foot). Ultimately from the Indo-European root ped- (foot) which also gave us pedal, podium, octopus, impeach, antipodal, expediency, peccadillo (alluding to a stumble or fall), impeccable, and peccavi.

Spleen 1. An abdominal organ serving to clean blood. 2. Bad temper. From French esplen, from Latin splen, from Greek splen. Earliest documented use: 1300. In earlier times it was believed that four humors controlled human behavior and an imbalance resulted in disease. According to this thinking, an excess of black bile secreted by the spleen resulted in melancholy or ill humor. Also, spleen was considered to be the seat of emotions. To vent one's spleen was to vent one's ange

Mansuetude (MAN-swi-tood, -tyood)   Gentleness; meekness. From Latin mansuescere (to make tame: to accustom to handling), from manus (hand) + suescere (to become accustomed). Ultimately from the Indo-European root man- (hand), which is also the source of manual, manage, maintain, manicure, maneuver, manufacture, manuscript, command, manque, amanuensis, legerdemain, and mortmain. Earliest documented use: 1390.


Finish whatever you're writing

Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work never begun. –

                                                                                 Christina Rossetti, poet (1830-1894)


..................and life goes on

Century-old publishing house goes to auction

By Arthur Hirsch, The Baltimore Sun

 The West Baltimore home of a defunct century-old book publisher that once commanded offices in Chicago and San Francisco will go on the auction block Wednesday — a casualty of Hurricane Katrina, technological change and even the "For Dummies" instructional book series.
What remains of the H.M. Rowe Co. — named for a man who was killed by his son in 1926 — straddles two addresses on North Gilmor Street in Harlem Park. Two three-story buildings joined together contain offices that were active with final orders only weeks ago, and a warehouse with a conveyor belt running from the basement to the third floor.
In July, the owner put the business up for sale, but there were no takers.
"Unfortunately for us, it was just dying," said Gail Willie, who inherited the business when her father, William E Steigleman Jr., died in 1999. The original owner, H.M. Rowe, was married to her great aunt, the former Jeannette Steigleman, who was in the room of the house when her husband was attacked on that May evening 88 years ago.
Willie, 60, who lives on a farm in Howard County, has been a nurse her entire professional life and now works at a school in Montgomery County. She left the publisher's day-to-day operation to a company manager who has been there for decades, but said she feels the loss of the business that's been in her family for about 90 years.
"It's been a grieving process to let go of a business that you've had so long," she said.
Three employees remained at the end, from a high of 15 during Willie's time as owner. As business declined, Willie said, new people were not brought in to replace older employees who left.
The company specialized in books sold to business and community colleges and vocational high schools to teach skills such as typing, shorthand, filing and business math. When computers arrived, the company tried to keep pace with instructional books on Windows and Mac applications.
The company suffered a serious blow in 2005 when Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast, forcing many of the schools that were customers to shut down. Many never reopened. The company did business across the country, but Willie estimated that about 60 percent of their customers were in the South.
"We've been struggling ever since '05," she said.
The damage was compounded by technology, which made much of Rowe's material more easily available by download. Meanwhile, a series of instructional books with a catchy title covering everything from banjo playing to beekeeping grew more and more popular.
"When the 'Dummies' books came out — you can just learn everything from them," Willie said. "In hindsight, we should have diversified."
An only child, she was kept distant from the business as a young person, never groomed to take on a management role. She was also kept in the dark about how H.M. Rowe died.
"As a child, I always heard about 'the accident,'" she said. "It wasn't until I was a young woman in my 20s that I heard about the murder. I had no idea."
Harry M. Rowe, who once served as president of a young American Automobile Association, had co-founded the Sadler-Rowe Co. in 1898 to publish accounting textbooks. In 1907, Warren Sadler decided to withdraw from the business, selling his share to Rowe, who gave the enterprise his name a few years later when Sadler died.
On the evening of May 3, 1926, Rowe was in the library of the family home on Johnnycake Road near Catonsville with his wife, Willie's great aunt Jeannette, and his teenage daughter from a previous marriage. According to a Baltimore Sun account, based on Jeannette Rowe's description, Rowe's 38-year-old son burst into the room and "began beating his father in the head with a club."
Harry M. Rowe Jr. was Rowe's son from the first of his three marriages. The girl was from his second marriage. Willie's great aunt was his third wife, with whom he had no children.
Rowe, who was in his mid 60s, died six days later at St. Agnes Hospital. His wife and daughter also were injured in the attack but recovered. The police pursuit of the son ended May 15, when his body was found in the Severn River in Annapolis. According to a Sun account, police said he had apparently committed suicide.
Articles from the time said that about two years earlier, Rowe had fired his son from his job as secretary-treasurer of Carozza-Rowe Construction Co. when he was president.
The publishing business passed to Willie's great aunt, then to her grandfather, to her father, then to her. Willie said her son, the older of her two children, might have taken over, "but there's nothing to take over."
There are the two connected buildings near Harlem Park Middle School, a neighborhood of many boarded-up rowhouses. The place served as the company's home after its building on West German Street was destroyed during the Great Baltimore Fire of 1904. Property records date the buildings to 1910.
Auctioneer Charles Billig of A.J. Billig & Co. said two bidders have registered so far. He was asked if he thought the building — in fine shape on the outside, but which needs updates and water damage repairs inside — would be a tough sell.
"Not sure. I think we've got it attractively priced," he said.
Willie said she'll attend the auction to see how it goes.
"I'll be there crying," she said. "I never wanted this to happen on my watch, but it's happened."





How wonderful is this?

Elijah Moment: Campaign Promotes Random Acts of Kindness

By Charlene Aaron

The holidays are a time for giving and sharing. That's why Rabbi Daniel Cohen and Pastor Todd Novotny of Noroton Community Church in Darien, Connecticut, are heading up what they're calling the Elijah Moment Campaign.
The campaign is named after the biblical prophet Elijah. Cohen and Novotny say a seemingly minor act of generosity can change a life and that every person can be an Elijah.
The campaign encourages people to think about ways to do random acts of kindness with just a moment's notice and can involve anything from sharing a kind word to paying it forward at a local coffee shop or restaurant.
The campaign began on November 23 and ends on January 1. Participants are encouraged to post their Elijah Moment on Facebook or tweet with the hashtag #elijahmoment to inspire others to do the same.

CBN News spoke with Rabbi Cohen about his hope that these moments of generosity will happen all across the country and spread beyond the holiday season.


Get knocked down a thousand times, get back up a thousand and one



CLASS OF 2014 SUCCESS STORIES: OVERCOMING ADVERSITY

Bowling Green State University / News / 2014 / December / Class of 2014 Success Stories: Overcoming Adversity

A story of courage, success and hope

 By: Jacquie Nelson

He is quick with a smile, has the gift of gab and has never met a stranger.
His story began 23 years ago in the small Ohio town of St. Marys. Josh King entered the world two weeks late and pronounced clinically dead of meconium aspiration (the ingestion of fecal matter into the lungs). The whirlwind that followed included lifesaving acts by three doctors and six nurses that brought him back to life, followed by weeks in an incubator at Children’s Hospital in Dayton, Ohio, and a lifetime of challenges ahead. King’s ordeal left him physically disabled with a mild form of cerebral palsy and faced with an array of learning disabilities.
Now? He is days away from achieving a life-long goal.
The first-generation college student will soon be graduating from Bowling Green State University with a bachelor’s degree in sport management. King never dreamed of going to college, let alone graduating, but this December he will have achieved what many thought was an impossible feat.
Always interested in sports, King began working in his high school’s equipment room and although he dreamed of college, he had never considered it an option. Instead, he enrolled at a branch of Wright State University in his hometown to work toward becoming a police officer.
Continuing his work at the equipment room, he eventually realized it was a career in sport management that he wished to explore. He discovered the program at BGSU, one of the best in the country, so he applied and was accepted.
“I was given the opportunity to go to college, even given my challenges.” King said. “BGSU gave me this chance – I was still able to go to college!”
Over the course of his career at BGSU, King has taken advantage of all the programs and services that the University has to offer. He has a record 338 visits to the Learning Commons where he received much-needed tutoring; his exams were taken at Disability Services on campus where each was read aloud to him. In addition, he participated in a practicum with Brian Daniels in the football equipment room and Scott Jess with the baseball and hockey programs and was a member of the Sport Management Alliance Group for a year. All of this while managing to keep up his grade point average (three times on the dean’s list) and completing his internship in the athletics equipment room at Wilmington College on Nov. 23.
“Josh is a wonderful student to have in our program,”said Dr. Ray Schneider, sport management. “He is extremely passionate and engaged in our class material.”.
King credits his family, friends, mentors and heroes for providing support necessary to achieve this goal and realize his dream. Tragically, as he was completing his summer semester and fall internship, he lost two of his three heroes in a three-month span – his grandfather, who had been ill, and his father, who passed away suddenly of a heart attack. Through all this adversity, he continued his internship at Wilmington College so he would graduate on time, noting, “I had to complete my degree for both my father and grandfather, and I just took it one day at a time.”
In his limited free time, King enjoys football, playing video games, spending time with family and friends and all Pittsburgh sports.
“I have known Josh King since my arrival on campus three years ago,” said Mark Nelson, director of the Learning Commons. “He has taken full advantage of our services within the Learning Commons to the tune of 338 total visits. Over the past three years we have enjoyed sharing our love of sports, and I have enjoyed watching Josh grow and mature as he pursues his dream of becoming an equipment manager."
What is after graduation for King? A career as an equipment manager, of course, and he is approaching that search with just as much fervor as he did his collegiate career. To date, King has delivered his resume to all Division I, II and III universities, all major league baseball and all national football teams. King is approaching this next step of the journey as he has his life to this point. “Wherever I have to go (for my career) is where I have to go.”
King knows that life is a journey, and that all face obstacles. Those who know him well agree he has endured more than his share. Despite this, Josh King is a friendly, generous, hardworking, giving human being who is passionate about his career path.
He is also passionate about those individuals on campus who have mentored him, those heroes who inspired him, and all those who continue to support him.


Should we measure gross national happiness?



Leslie Nguyenokwu

Move over, GDP. Psychologists Shigehiro Oishi and Ed Diener say it's time to make room for happiness, the next big tool for evaluating public policies and social development in the U.S.
Scoff all you like, but after analyzing dozens of policy-related happiness surveys and studies in a new report called "Can and Should Happiness Be a Policy Goal?" Oishi and Diener argue that people's self-reported happiness can help gauge the effectiveness of a particular policy and promote national well-being. Take, for example, disability benefits — one survey found that severe disability hurts people's life satisfaction twice as badly as unemployment. Such psychological insights into populations, the authors say, could improve how we assess and make good policies in the future.
Oishi, a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, believes in measuring what matters — and that people's happiness ought to be recorded as often as possible, quarterly or even monthly. Admittedly, "it all boils down to the cost here," he said. But he compares happiness measures to other regular data collections we perform, like unemployment and life expectancy.
He and Diener looked at surveys that measured happiness on several different scales, including Diener's own 1- to 7-point scale, which asks participants to rank statements such as "If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing" and "The conditions of my life are excellent." Sure, plenty of stuff can affect self-reported happiness — which is pretty much the most subjective thing you can ask about. Variables, as the tradesfolk say, abound: the day of the week the survey is taken, the weather, how someone reacted to previous survey questions … as a start. Oishi argues that's a reason to overinvest in multiple methods of tracking happiness.
Maybe he's onto something. According to the 2013 World Happiness Report, the U.S. tripled its per capita income over the last few decades but has seen "significant declines" in happiness levels over time. Moreover, some countries around the world already measure happiness, including Bhutan's erstwhile Gross National Happiness and the U.K.'s National Well-being Index. (Though Bhutan, in full disclosure, bailed on the happiness measure last year.) Yet some critics say that a happiness index is too "fuzzy" for serious policymaking. "We have more accurate tools of measuring depression than we do of happiness, unfortunately," said Mark Setton, founder of Pursuit-Of-Happiness.org. And the wording of the surveys is especially tricky, he explained, as many of them use different words to describe happiness.
So, maybe happiness won't exactly make the world go 'round, as Oishi and Diener would hope. But perhaps a dose of happiness policy could get Congress to do a little less ranting.

OZY is a USA TODAY content partner providing general news, commentary and coverage from around the Web. Its content is produced independently of USA TODAY




Look for the good and you will find the good


Generous Stranger Secretly Pays Off Every Layaway Account at Toys R Us

At the Toys-R-Us store in Bellingham, Massachusetts a complete stranger became an angel for 154 customers.
Around noon on Wednesday, a woman walked into the store and told a cashier she wanted to pay off a layaway balance. “Which one?” she was asked.
“All of them,” she replied. For a total of $20,000.

“I have no words. I can’t believe someone would do that, it’s so nice,” said one of the customers who had their balances erased.


You cannot add to the peace and good will of the world if you fail to create

You cannot add to the peace and good will of the world if you fail to create an atmosphere of harmony and love right where you live and work. -- Thomas Dreier




A Hairstylist Provides Free Cuts to the Homeless


By ALYSON KRUEGERDEC. 10, 2014

David Terry is 50 years old, H.I.V. positive and homeless. He spends his nights at Bailey House, a nonprofit in Harlem that provides housing for people living with H.I.V., and his days wandering the streets. “I get very depressed because it’s like I’m on the treadmill going 80 miles an hour with the brakes on,” he said.
But for one hour the other Sunday, life slowed down to a happy pace. Sitting on a park bench on the corner of East Houston and Chrystie Streets, Mr. Terry was getting a haircut from Mark Bustos, a professional stylist with a celebrity clientele.
“Can you believe this is happening?” Mr. Terry said, a white bib wrapped around his neck, cigarette in hand and Stevie Wonder’s “Conversation Peace” playing in the background. An hour later, he looked in the mirror, and saw that his messy mop was now a stylish flattop. “Yeah, baby, I’ve still got it,” he said, striking a victory pose. “I’m the king of the world.”
Every Sunday, Mark Bustos, 30, a hairstylist at Three Squares Studios, an elite salon in Chelsea that charges $150 to clients like Norah Jones, Marc Jacobs and Phillip Lim, hits the sidewalk and provides free cuts to the homeless.
Mr. Bustos often wanders around Union Square, the Lower East Side and Midtown, where he has gotten to know some of the homeless by name. “See that guy over there,” he said, walking down the Bowery. “That’s Cowboy Ritchie,” whose wife, Mr. Bustos added, “wants him to shave his beard off because it looks too good and the other women flirt with him.”
Other times, Mr. Bustos meets his unsuspecting new clients through friends and paying clients, who tell him about people in their neighborhoods. He does up to 10 haircuts a day.
He started offering haircuts to the homeless two years ago. The idea, he says, is to simply give back. “Whether I’m giving one at work or on the street, I think we can all relate to the haircut and how it makes us feel,” Mr. Bustos said. “We all know what it feels like to get a good haircut.”
In some way, Mr. Bustos, who lives in Jersey City, has always been generous about hairstyling, which he taught himself at a young age. When he was 14, Mr. Bustos set up a chair in his parents’ garage in Nutley, N.J., and cut friends’ hair for free, so they could pocket the barbershop money they got from their parents.
A 2012 trip to the Philippines to visit family made him realize he could do more. He was struck by the number of impoverished children and decided to rent a barbershop as his way of helping. “It made me feel so good,” Mr. Bustos said. “It was right to bring it home to New York.” Since then, he has spent most Sundays in New York, styling the hair of the homeless.
Mary E. Brosnahan, the president and chief executive of Coalition for the Homeless, a nonprofit advocacy group, said that a haircut is often more than a haircut. It can remind the homeless of who they once were, and offer a rosier version of their current, shattered selves. “It helps shift the gear out of survival mode,” Ms. Brosnahan said, letting them envision a better life.
Joi Gordon, the chief executive officer of Dress for Success, which provides professional clothes to homeless job seekers, has similar stories of transformation. “For most women, this is the first time that they’ve ever put on a suit in their lives,” she said. “That blazer really serves as a life jacket.”
Mr. Bustos tells a similar story of a homeless man who once looked in the mirror after a haircut, saw his fresh look and said: “Do you know anyone who is hiring. I’m ready to go get a job.” Mr. Bustos hasn’t seen him on the street since, something he considers a good sign.
His haircuts are always conducted on the street. If a park bench is not available, Mr. Bustos will find a milk crate or turn over a shopping cart. Rain or freezing temperatures do not deter him. (Since many homeless do not have regular access to washrooms, Mr. Bustos wears gloves, carefully disposes of hair clippings and disinfects his tools between every cut, just as he does with his equipment at work.)
“I do it on the streets, on the sidewalks, in the parks,” he said, “so people who walk by can find some inspiration in what I do.”
That is the same reason that Devin Masga, a street photographer, accompanies him and posts before-and-after photos to Mr. Bustos’s Instagram feed with the hashtag #BeAwesomeToSomebody. Mr. Bustos has more than 215,000 Instagram followers, some of whom donate supplies and gift cards, or ask how they can get help. “People ask me if I can come out with you or join your team,” he said. “My answer is just go and do it.”
“Just because they live on the street looking a little scruffy with their hair long doesn’t mean they can’t clean up and look great,” he added.



‘You’ve Gotta Be Kidding’ Waitress Told Strangers Who Wanted to Replace Her Beat Up Car


by Good News Network

Her car was barely drivable after multiple run-ins with deer on roadways. She covered two windows with plastic and cardboard and held together the front end with a strap.
Cindi Grady was depressed because this might be the second Christmas without a tree and few presents for her disabled son. As a server at the Cracker Barrel restaurant in Branson, Missouri, she didn’t know how she would pay for it all.
Then, while at work, she got a $20 tip — twice the normal size — and thought things were looking up. The couple at the table had been semi-regulars in the restaurant over the summer.
Suddenly Cindy’s boss told her to put down the tray and follow her. She was wracking her brain to figure out what she had done to warrant a conference with management, but instead of the office, she was led outside to the parking lot where the couple was standing next to a silver car with a red bow on it.
“They told me they had seen me come to work all summer in my shabby car and wanted to bless me with a 2008 Ford Fusion,” wrote Cindi on Facebook.
Gary and Roxann Tackett from Quitman, Arkansas handed over the keys and paperwork to the car they had just purchased especially for Cindy. “It’s not new, but it’s new for you,” the Gary said as he held open the door for her.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” she said through tears. “No way.”
“I’m still shell shocked,” she wrote later. “Now I can concentrate on catching up with my bills so my son can enjoy the upcoming holiday as well…This year is so much different thanks to the Tacketts.”

She even put deer whistles on her new car to alert the animals to stay away.


How to Be Happier


by Aisha Sultan

There are times when a foggy malaise can settle into a spot. Even when cracks of sunlight break through this vapor, a heaviness lingers.
Despite being a reporter -- a job where we're conditioned to notice and document what's wrong, unfair, tragic and broken -- I usually enjoy being a happy and positive person. But there has been so much striking and detailed pain on display in our world recently.
This summer, the gruesome images of the war in Gaza were soon joined by heartbreaking ones out of Ferguson. Couple this with the fact that my generation has entered that period of life when there's a steady stream of devastating personal news among our peers: Parents (or even children) die, alarming diagnoses are more common, and friends divorce.
We have been through cycles of tragedy, death and destruction before. But this prolonged dark period provoked a deeper anxiety in me. From the personal to the political, the onslaught of bad news has felt relentless.
It was in the midst of this run of gloominess that I decided to embark on a happiness project. Not happiness as in a constant state of chipper: Some of the most outwardly cheerful people I've known have been deeply unhappy inside. But happiness in the way that psychologists have defined it: the pleasure of feeling good; engagement in living a good life with family, friends, work and hobbies; and finding meaning in being able to use our strengths toward a greater purpose.
Is it possible to increase those pieces of happiness, thereby becoming happier?
There's an entire body of research that looks at ways to make people happier in life and work. I sifted through some of this positive psychology analysis and watched the most popular TED talk on the subject.
Positive psychology experts Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan have written extensively about the habits that can train our brains to think more positively, which they argue leads to our brains making us feel happier. Scientists say there's a biochemical process at work: Positive emotions like love and joy release dopamine and serotonin into our brains. This biochemical wash helps our brain process new information, think more quickly and creatively, and connect better with others.
Achor and Gielan suggest that incorporating these five daily habits for as little as 21 days can make us happier:
1. Write down three unique and new things you are grateful for every day. This teaches the brain to scan for new, good things.
2. Spend a few minutes writing down in detail the most meaningful moment from your day. This allows you to relive what made it meaningful for you.
3. Praise or thank a different person in your social network every day, either by email or phone, for something specific. This will remind your brain of the support around you.
4. Exercise for 15 minutes a day. The effects can be as powerful as taking an antidepressant.
5. Take two minutes to meditate and breathe. Pay attention to your inhale and exhale. It will focus your attention and lower stress.
I tried to do all five habits and recorded my efforts daily for 21 days last month. I just kept a log in a note in my iPhone where I documented results at night. The only ones I did religiously for three weeks were listing three new gratitudes each day, describing the most meaningful moment and thanking a person for a specific act each day. The 15 minutes of exercise was hit or miss. I completely failed on the meditating. That was very challenging.
About a third of my meaningful moments were with my children. The rest were through interactions at work, with friends or with people who were essentially strangers. It was revealing to keep track of which moments actually moved me during the day.
And, the researchers were absolutely correct. While I was committed to this task, I became more attuned to the good things, no matter how small. I spent more minutes in my day contemplating the positive. I felt more grateful and engaged with people and connected to the meaning in my life.
A few times, I struggled to come up with a meaningful moment or a different person to thank. On the days I was very tired, it felt like a chore. But overall, I think it lifted my spirit in a way that had been missing for a while.
When things looked especially bleak, this happiness project was an antidote.
The only defense we have against the at-times overwhelming and random pain in this life is belligerent happiness.




Why happiness levels shoot up after 50


A few months ago, bioethicist Ezekiel Emanuel had an essay in The Atlantic saying that, all things considered, he would prefer to die around age 75. He argued that he would rather clock out with all his powers intact than endure a sad, feeble decline.
The problem is that if Dr Emanuel dies at 75, he will likely be missing his happiest years. When researchers ask people to assess their own well-being, people in their 20s rate themselves highly. Then there is a decline as people get sadder in middle age, bottoming out around age 50. But then happiness levels shoot up, so that old people are happier than young people. The people who rate themselves most highly are those aged 82 to 85.
Psychologists who study this now famous U-Curve tend to point out that old people are happier because of changes in the brain. For example, when you show people a crowd of faces, young people unconsciously tend to look at the threatening faces, but older people’s attention gravitates towards the happy ones.
Older people are more relaxed, on average. They are spared some of the burden of thinking about the future. As a result, they get more pleasure out of present, ordinary activities.
My problem with a lot of the research on happiness in old age is that it is so deterministic. It treats the ageing of the emotional life the way you might treat the ageing of the body: As this biological, chemical and evolutionary process that happens to people.
I would rather think that elder happiness is an accomplishment, not a condition, that people get better at living through effort, by mastering specific skills.
I would like to think that people get steadily better at handling life’s challenges. In middle age, they are confronted by stressful challenges they cannot control, such as having teenage children. But, in old age, they have more control over the challenges they will tackle and they get even better at addressing them.
Aristotle teaches us that being a good person is not mainly about learning moral rules and following them. It is about performing social roles well — being a good parent, teacher, lawyer or friend.


IMPROVING WITH AGE
It is easy to think of some of the skills that some people get better at over time. First, there is bifocalism, the ability to see the same situation from multiple perspectives.
Dr Anthony Kronman of Yale Law School once wrote: “Anyone who has worn bifocal lenses knows that it takes time to learn to shift smoothly between perspectives and to combine them in a single field of vision. The same is true of deliberation. It is difficult to be compassionate, and often just as difficult to be detached, but what is most difficult of all is to be both at once.”
Only with experience can a person learn to see a fraught situation both close up, with emotional intensity, and far away, with detached perspective.
Then there is lightness, the ability to be at ease with the downsides of life. In their book, Lighter As We Go, Dr Jimmie Holland and Dr Mindy Greenstein argue that while older people lose memory, they also learn that most setbacks are not the end of the world. Anxiety is the biggest waste in life. If you know that you will recover, you can save time and get on with it sooner.
“The ability to grow lighter as we go is a form of wisdom that entails learning how not to sweat the small stuff , learning how not to be too invested in particular outcomes,” write Drs Holland and Greenstein.
Then there is the ability to balance tensions. In Practical Wisdom, Dr Barry Schwartz and Dr Kenneth Sharpe argue that performing many social roles means balancing competing demands.
A doctor has to be honest, but also kind. A teacher has to instruct, but also inspire. You cannot find the right balance in each context by memorising a rule book. This form of wisdom can only be earned by acquiring a repertoire of similar experiences.
Finally, experienced heads have intuitive awareness of the landscape of reality, a feel for what other people are thinking and feeling, an instinct for how events will flow.
In The Wisdom Paradox, Dr Elkhonon Goldberg details the many ways the brain deteriorates with age: Brain cells die, mental operations slow. But a lifetime of intellectual effort can lead to empathy and pattern awareness.
“What I have lost with age in my capacity for hard mental work, I seem to have gained in my capacity for instantaneous, almost unfairly easy insight,” Dr Goldberg writes.
It is comforting to know that, for many, life gets happier with age.
But it is more useful to know how individuals get better at doing the things they do.
The point of culture is to spread that wisdom from old to young; to put that thousand-year heart in a still young body.

 THE NEW YORK TIMES

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
David Brooks, a New York Times columnist, is an author of several books.


That's happiness.

Will and I could hardly wait for the morning to come to get at something that interested us. That's happiness. -- Orville Wright, co-inventor of the airplane



The key to happiness

Being successful is great but it isn’t the key to happiness. It’s the other way around. The happiness is the key to success. So logically, if you love what you do, you’ll be successful.


No one ever thinks they’re awful




“No one ever thinks they’re awful, even people who really actually are. It’s some sort of survival mechanism.” Emily St. John Mandel, Station Eleven


Fear is what we think it is and nothing else



        The only place where fear exists is in the mind.


This is what happens to long term foster kids

“Look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.” Jacob A. Riis


To learn who rules over you


“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.”               

                                                                                                                                       Voltaire 



Don't worry, be happy

Happiness is in the moment you are in
Colleen Crawford  Battlefords News-Optimist

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” — Buddha

Life is sending me little messages everywhere I look.


An inspirational email spoke of the topic of happiness. If you cannot be happy in the moment you are in, you will not find it when you stumble across a financial windfall or when you retire or when you go on a vacation. Happiness is now, within you, every moment. It is not what happens to you, it is how you choose to react to life's little surprises.


Another message was short and sweet. It said, "Stop worrying. Yes, 'you'!" It was as if someone read my mind at that very moment. I was letting everything pile up. I was worrying. I know worrying is a waste of energy, but I was doing it anyway. It was time to do what is within my power to do, and to stop worrying, now!


I found myself wallowing in the negativity of the moment one day. It was a half hour after lunch.
In my role as a daycare provider, clean up and after lunch digestion takes extensive time and energy. More so, when you have a two-year-old in the mid-phases of toilet training. I read the signs and knew he “had to go.” He didn't. After some time we gave up on that moment. Then minutes later, he “went.” And it wasn't where he was supposed to go. Aaaack!


I plunked myself down in the middle of the living room floor and started picking up a few toys before I put the kids down for their naps. I was quite likely pouting. I was not exuding an aura of happiness.


Then my little one-year-old sat down beside me and twisted her body so she was face to face with me and said, "Hi!" This little girl lights up my world. Her heartfelt, eye-to-eye "Hi!" changed the way I saw the world at that moment. Then? She leaned in and gave me one of her famous bear hugs. Then another. And another.
There is nothing like surrounding yourself with one- and two-year-olds to remind you that happiness is in the moment you are in. And of the magic of a hug.
Be present in each and every moment today. See what wonder you can find in what you already have. Live your day with childlike wonder and rediscover why a child’s smile lights up a room.


The Geography Of Happiness: Where Americans Are Happiest And Why


Ben Schiller is a New York-based staff writer for Co.Exist, and also contributes to the FT and Yale e360. He used to edit a European management magazine, and worked as a reporter in San Francisco, Prague and Brussels
Sorry, city dwellers. Suburban counties tend to be happiest (as long as you don't have to get in your car to go to work).
The United States was founded so people could pursue happiness, but some places seem to do a better job of it than others. There's a big difference between the happiest and least happy places in the country, according to new research.
Led by Stephan Goetz, a professor at Penn State, the study looks at the number of "poor mental health days" reported per county—that is, the number of days people said they were in a negative mood. The "least happy" communities reported up to 8.3 days a month, compared to less than half-a-day for the happiest. (See the results plotted on the map here, with the highest number of mental health days in red and the lowest in green).


What's behind the variation? Goetz says suburban counties tend to be happier than urban or rural ones, and that non-white counties tend to be happier than whiter ones. People were also happier when they commuted less, moved homes less often, and lived in places deemed to have more closely-knit communities (higher levels of "social capital").
For example, a 1% increase in the share of non-whites in a county reduced the average number of poor mental health days by 0.08%—which is actually a larger number than it might seem, when you consider the whole country. "After controlling for other factors including income, educational attainment, place of residence, commuting time, social capital, there is still a residual, unexplained factor that leaves whites a little bit less happy than non-whites," Goetz says via email. "One possible factor that may explain this difference could be religious adherence, to the extent that it varies between whites and non-whites."
Goetz says suburbanites can have the best of both worlds. They can be close to their jobs but also near enough to activities downtown. They can avoid being around a lot of other people, but then they're not too far away either. However, the effect is dulled by commute times: The research found the longer people spend traveling, the less happy they feel.
The results are based on a large-scale phone survey (using the Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System) and come from a six-year average of data from 2002 to 2008. The researchers deliberately chose a period before the recent recession, fearing that might skew the results. The study is the first to look at the factors behind mental health at a county level, the researchers say.
Interestingly, Goetz says poverty is a bigger factor in making people unhappy than inequality, despite the prominence of the latter issue recently. "Recently, inequality has received considerable attention from the public. As a result, the issue of poverty has received less attention," he says. "Our work suggests that policies directed at reducing poverty will go further in terms of reducing poor mental health than will policies directed at reducing income inequality."

Goetz argues that the level of down-days is an important economic indicator as unhappy counties tend to be less productive. The real benefit of the study is that we now know where people are unhappy and what might be driving that.