People
are compelled to be together good and bad.
You’ve
agreed to shrimp with the geology couple.
If you
like one 85% and the other 35%
that’s
not so bad.
You need
to like one at least 70%
and like
the other not less than 25%
otherwise
it’s agonizing and pointless
like
being crucified without religious significance.
Averages
are misleading:
I like
that couple 110% could mean
each is
appreciated 55% which will not kill you
but
neither will sleeping in your own urine.
One
should like oneself between 60 and 80%.
Under
45%, one becomes an undertaking,
prone to
eating disorders, public weeping,
useless
for gift wrapping and relay races.
Over 85%
means you are a self-involved bore
I don’t
care about your Nobel Prize in positrons
or your
dog sled victories.
Of course
there is great variance throughout the day.
You may
feel 0% upon first waking
but that
is because you don’t yet know you exist
which is
why baby-studies have been a bust.
Then as
you venture forth to boil water,
you may
feel a sudden surge to 90%,
Hey, I’m
GOOD at boiling water!
which may
be promptly counteracted by turning on your e-mail.
It is
important not to let variance become too extreme,
a range
of 40% is allowable,
beyond
that it is as great storms upon drought-stricken land.
I.e.
mudslides.
Sugar,
retirement plans, impending jail time
all are
influential factors.
Generally,
most data has been gathered
regarding
raising percentages,
the
modern world it is argued is plentiful
with
opportunities of negative effect.
The
tanker splits and the shore birds turn black and lose their ability to float.
Sometimes
a good scrub is all that’s needed.
A fresh
shirt.
Shock
therapy has never been fully discounted
and
people have felt significant surges
from
backpacking into remote and elevated areas,
a call
home.
Yet the
very same may backfire.
Thwamp,
thwamp, the helicopter lowers the rescue crew,
the phone
slammed down.
Each case
is profoundly nuanced
like the
lock systems of Holland.
Some,
frankly, are beyond help,
but if
you are a tall woman, wear shoes to make you taller!
Candy
corn, what kind of person doesn’t like candy corn?
Tell that
70/35% rock couple you cannot come,
you
forgot your fencing lesson,
your cat
had a puppy,
your
tongue is green,
you are
in fact dying.