I Said Yes but I Meant No. A poem Dean Young

 




 

People are compelled to be together good and bad.

You’ve agreed to shrimp with the geology couple.

If you like one 85% and the other 35%

that’s not so bad.

You need to like one at least 70%

and like the other not less than 25%

otherwise it’s agonizing and pointless

like being crucified without religious significance.

Averages are misleading:

I like that couple 110% could mean

each is appreciated 55% which will not kill you

but neither will sleeping in your own urine.

One should like oneself between 60 and 80%.

Under 45%, one becomes an undertaking,

prone to eating disorders, public weeping,

useless for gift wrapping and relay races.

Over 85% means you are a self-involved bore

I don’t care about your Nobel Prize in positrons

or your dog sled victories.

Of course there is great variance throughout the day.

You may feel 0% upon first waking

but that is because you don’t yet know you exist

which is why baby-studies have been a bust.

Then as you venture forth to boil water,

you may feel a sudden surge to 90%,

Hey, I’m GOOD at boiling water!

which may be promptly counteracted by turning on your e-mail.

It is important not to let variance become too extreme,

a range of 40% is allowable,

beyond that it is as great storms upon drought-stricken land.

I.e. mudslides.

Sugar, retirement plans, impending jail time

all are influential factors.

Generally, most data has been gathered

regarding raising percentages,

the modern world it is argued is plentiful

with opportunities of negative effect.

The tanker splits and the shore birds turn black and lose their ability to float.

Sometimes a good scrub is all that’s needed.

A fresh shirt.

Shock therapy has never been fully discounted

and people have felt significant surges

from backpacking into remote and elevated areas,

a call home.

Yet the very same may backfire.

Thwamp, thwamp, the helicopter lowers the rescue crew,

the phone slammed down.

Each case is profoundly nuanced

like the lock systems of Holland.

Some, frankly, are beyond help,

but if you are a tall woman, wear shoes to make you taller!

Candy corn, what kind of person doesn’t like candy corn?

Tell that 70/35% rock couple you cannot come,

you forgot your fencing lesson,

your cat had a puppy,

your tongue is green,

you are in fact dying.