Why the pursuit of happiness is making you unhappy

Sturt and Nordstrom: Why the pursuit of happiness is making you unhappy By DAVID STURT and TODD NORDSTROM O.C. Tanner Institute 

Be honest. Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered why you’re not happy? You’re not alone.

“Life is not what I expected,” a friend told us last week. “My husband and I both are educated. We both have jobs that pay well. We have nice things and take great trips. But, sometimes we both just want to run away from it all—do something more meaningful.”

Our friend’s comments resonated with us, as it’s not the first time we’ve heard this sentiment. In fact, feeling “not happy” might be more common than you think. A Harris poll of 2,345 U.S. adults used a series of questions to determine Americans’ levels of contentment and life satisfaction.

According to the results, a dismal 33 percent said that they were very happy. A poll by Time showed a slightly better response, reporting that 59 percent of their respondents said they were happy most of the time. That’s a better number, but it still leaves 40 percent of us without a smile.

So, what’s up? Why, in a nation that entitles us to the pursuit of happiness are so many people not feeling that energized spirit? Why aren’t more people feeling the passion for life?

Based on all the research we do on the workplace, we had a hunch when we began discussing the topic of happiness. We wondered how closely feeling happy is connected to the notion of feeling valued and appreciated—at home and at work. Do our efforts, actions and thoughts need to serve a purpose, give us meaning or create an impact in someone else’s life to make us happy?

We recently interviewed best-selling author of Strengths Finder 2.0, Tom Rath, about his brand new book titled "Are You Fully Charged?" Rath mentioned during the interview that the concept of “pursuing happiness” has backfired. That statement made us curious to find out more.

“Most of the people I’ve spoken with personally, do have the opportunity to engage in meaningful pursuits on their own time,” Rath told us. “However, when I asked people about the meaningfulness of their work each day, they struggle. This is concerning, considering the fact that most people spend the majority of their waking hours dedicated to being full-time workers, students, parents or volunteers.”

Recent Gallup research on this topic, makes Rath’s finding even more concerning. The poll asked workers across the United States if their lives were better off because of the organization they worked for. The response, about the organization that feeds your family and puts shoes on your feet, was, without question, shocking.

“A mere 12 percent of respondents claimed that their lives were significantly better due to the company they worked for,” said Rath. And, sadly, the vast majority of employees felt their company was a detriment to their overall health and well-being.”

We then asked Rath, “Don’t these statistics prove that we, as a nation and culture, need to pursue happiness even more?”

“It’s actually the opposite,” says Rath, “if your pursuit of happiness is for yourself. In fact, scientists are still uncovering the reasons why the pursuit of personal happiness backfires.

"Part of the explanation lies in its self-focused nature. Research suggests that the more value you place on your own happiness, the more likely you are to feel lonely on a daily basis. In fact, there’s a strong negative physiological reaction in the body when humans pursue happiness for themselves. When participants in experiments were told to read articles that persuaded them to find happiness, samples of saliva indicated corresponding decreases in progesterone levels, which is a hormonal response associated with loneliness.”

“…and if we pursue happiness for other people?” we asked.

“That’s where you find something magical, called meaning,” Rath replied. “Think about the people you know. The people who seemingly exude joy and happiness are those who seem to put other’s needs, or a bigger purpose above their own needs.”

Rath paused. It was almost as if we could hear him thinking. “Be warned though, putting another person’s needs before your own can feel like a short-term decrease in your own happiness. But, it’s short and eventually your contribution improves the entire environment.”

Interestingly, research from The Great Work study showed similar findings, but with a different outcome. For those of you reading this and wondering if shifting your intention from yourself to others to increase your level of happiness, will impact your productivity or results at work, you can rest easy.

An analysis from 1.7 million cases of award-winning work, throughout various professions and industries, showed that 88 percent of work projects that win awards begin when someone asks the question, “What difference could I make that someone else will love?”

“It’s a mindset shift,” concluded Rath. “A small shift that can improve your life.”

We agree. How does this sound? “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for others.”

David Sturt is Executive Vice President at the organizational research firm O.C. Tanner Institute. His recent book is “Great Work: How to Make a Difference People Love” from McGraw-Hill. Todd Nordstrom is Director of Institute Content. The two consult with leaders and speak at leadership conferences around the world.

O.C. Tanner maintains a regional office in Tulsa. This article originally appeared in forbes.com

A letter to Big Soda

Dear Big Soda:

You have not beaten us, because the fight for a healthier Vermont will continue.

While your supersized spending — more than $500,000 in just three months — succeeded in soaking the airwaves and newspapers with deceptive advertising, most Vermonters were not fooled. In fact, a Castleton State College poll found 57 percent of Vermonters supported our proposal to tax your unhealthy products to raise money for affordable health care programs.

Sadly, Vermont is not immune to the costly epidemic of obesity and diet-related illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease, stroke and many forms of cancer that, thanks in part to big jumps in sugary drink sales over the last 50 years, has made our nation one of the least healthy in the industrialized world. These diseases cause great suffering and impose substantial costs on our health care system. Though we may be the “second healthiest state” in America, when it comes to obesity rates, we are just the best of the worst. One in four Vermont adults is now obese, and 30 percent of our children are overweight or obese. These rates have more than doubled since 1990.

Annually, the cost of treating obesity-related health problems in Vermont, just among adults, is at least $200 million and may be as high as $600 million when factoring in childhood obesity. As a result, health researchers now predict this will be the first generation of American children to live shorter lives than their parents.

The obesity epidemic has many causes, but the overwhelming consensus of independent researchers — those who aren’t on your industry payroll — is that your sugar-loaded, low- or no-nutrition drinks are a major factor. The U.S. Dietary Guidelines Advisory Council recently warned that heavy doses of added sugars in the American diet are to blame for spikes in type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and other illnesses linked to obesity. The council also confirmed that sugary drinks are the largest source of added sugars in the average American diet, surpassing milk in the 1990s as the largest source of calories for our kids.

Vermont doctors, nurses, dentists and dental hygienists see this story play out with their patients whose habits of drinking multiple sugary drinks each day have given rise to a range of diet-driven diseases. That is why the Alliance for a Healthier Vermont’s sugary drink excise tax proposal enjoyed the support of every major health care provider organization in the state, along with public health organizations including the American Heart Association, the American Cancer Society and many others.

Unlike the Vermont doctors who supported an excise tax on sugary drinks, your highly paid spin doctors say that better education is the solution. Yet your industry spends nearly a billion dollars each year to drown out public health education about the risks of drinking too many sugary drinks. Your ads often target children with cartoon characters, computer games and use misleading claims about the health benefits of the liquid sugar you sell. You know that public educational efforts about the health risks of drinking too many sugary drinks don’t stand a chance when they stand alone.

It appears that you’ve learned a lot from Big Tobacco when it comes to deceptive advertising, denying accountability for the health risks your products pose and scaring elected officials who might support policies that would curb unhealthy consumption levels. We’ve learned something, too.

We’ve learned that, as with tobacco, a substantial excise tax that increases the shelf price on sugary drinks and funds effective health care and nutrition programs will help reduce unhealthy levels of consumption. We’ve also learned that it takes time for elected officials to find the courage to take on your powerful, wealthy industry. Though we fell short this legislative session, we helped more legislators find that courage this time around.

You may have won this latest round, but we want you to know that the struggle for a healthier Vermont is far from over.

Anthony Iarrapino is the director of the Alliance for a Healthier Vermont.

Inner Truth: Simple Happiness

Dimple Mishra

We all yearn to be happy, but since what we think happiness is always linked to some distant future event or achievement or our hearts are filled with pain from yesterday – are we ever truly happy?

Happiness is the gentle breeze blowing through the branches of a tree, where the leaves seem to sway with joy. Birds’ chirping around the bird bath someone kindly put up in their little garden in the sultry summer heat. A drive on a beautiful road in a foreign land, a phone call from a loved one, the red roses you got yourself for no particular reason, the moment you have just finished doing up your room exactly how you like it, the candles flickering on your well-set dining table, a kind word from someone, the lyrics of an achingly romantic song, a job completed successfully at the right time. It’s an endless list.

We all yearn to be happy, but since what we think happiness is always linked to some distant future event or achievement or our hearts are filled with pain from yesterday – are we ever truly happy?

The present moment is the perfect moment for it is not heavy with the past and hasn’t seen the uncertainty of the future, a simple answer to the quest for happiness.

“I would like to tell you that I wrote my book to push back artistic boundaries. But I didn’t. I wrote it to impress a girl.” Gideon Defoe

“Studies suggest that petting dogs produces hormonal changes. This helps people cope with depression and certain stress-related disorders. Additionally, it decreases levels of the primary stress hormone cortisol, which regulates appetite and carbohydrates cravings. (Blascovich, 2002)”

“I am reading six books at once, the only way of reading; since, as you will agree, one book is only a single unaccompanied note, and to get the full sound, one needs ten others at the same time.” Virginia Woolf 

When you are attracted to people, it’s because of the details. Their kindness. Their eyes. The fact that they can get you to laugh when you need it the most.” Jodi Picoult, Sing You Home

Otherwise

 Jane Kenyon, 1947 - 1995

 I got out of bed

on two strong legs.

It might have been

otherwise. I ate

cereal, sweet

milk, ripe, flawless

peach. It might

have been otherwise.

I took the dog uphill

to the birch wood.

All morning I did

the work I love.

At noon I lay down

with my mate. It might

have been otherwise.

We ate dinner together

at a table with silver

candlesticks. It might

have been otherwise.

I slept in a bed

in a room with paintings

on the walls, and

planned another day

just like this day.

But one day, I know,

it will be otherwise.

 “Julius Caesar” (Act 5, Scene 3)

“The sun of Rome is set. Our day is gone;

Clouds, dews, and dangers come; our deeds are done.”

Why good people do bad things

University of Chicago Booth School of Business

When facing an ethical dilemma, being aware of the temptation before it happens and thinking about the long-term consequences of misbehaving could help more people do the right thing, according to a new study.

Honest behavior is much like sticking to a diet. When facing an ethical dilemma, being aware of the temptation before it happens and thinking about the long-term consequences of misbehaving could help more people do the right thing, according to a new study.

The study, "Anticipating and Resisting the Temptation to Behave Unethically," by University of Chicago Booth School of Business Behavioral Science and Marketing Professor Ayelet Fishbach and Rutgers Business School Assistant Professor Oliver J. Sheldon, was recently published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. It is the first study to test how the two separate factors of identifying an ethical conflict and preemptively exercising self-control interact in shaping ethical decision-making.

In a series of experiments that included common ethical dilemmas, such as calling in sick to work and negotiating a home sale, the researchers found that two factors together promoted ethical behavior: Participants who identified a potential ethical dilemma as connected to other similar incidents and who also anticipated the temptation to act unethically were more likely to behave honestly than participants who did not.

"Unethical behavior is rampant across various domains ranging from business and politics to education and sports," said Fishbach. "Organizations seeking to improve ethical behavior can do so by helping people recognize the cumulative impact of unethical acts and by providing warning cues for upcoming temptation."

In one experiment, business school students were divided into pairs as brokers for the buyer and seller of a historic New York brownstone. The dilemma: The seller wanted to preserve the property while the buyer wanted to demolish it and build a hotel. The brokers for the seller were told to only sell to a buyer who would save the brownstone, while the brokers for the buyer were told to conceal the buyer's plan to develop a hotel.

Before the negotiations began, half of the students were asked to recall a time when they cheated or bent the rules to get ahead. Only 45 percent of those students thinking about their ethics ahead of time behaved unethically in the negotiations, while more than two-thirds, or 67 percent, of the students who weren't reminded of an ethical temptation in advance, lied in the negotiations in order to close the deal.

In another experiment involving workplace scenarios, participants were less likely to say it is okay to steal office supplies, call into work sick when they aren't really ill, or intentionally work slowly to avoid additional tasks, if they anticipated an ethical dilemma through a writing exercise in advance and if they considered a series of six ethical dilemmas all at once.

In other words, people are more likely to engage in unethical behavior if they believe the act is an isolated incident and if they don't think about it ahead of time.

The results of the experiments have the potential to help policy makers, educators and employers devise strategies to encourage people to behave ethically. For example, a manager could control costs by emailing employees before a work trip to warn them against the temptation to inflate expenses. The notice could be even more effective if the manager reminded employees that the urge to exaggerate expenses is a temptation they will encounter repeatedly in the future.

Spring

 By Gerard Manley Hopkins  

Nothing is so beautiful as Spring –         

   When weeds, in wheels, shoot long and lovely and lush;         

   Thrush’s eggs look little low heavens, and thrush         

Through the echoing timber does so rinse and wring         

The ear, it strikes like lightnings to hear him sing;

   The glassy peartree leaves and blooms, they brush         

   The descending blue; that blue is all in a rush         

With richness; the racing lambs too have fair their fling.         

What is all this juice and all this joy?         

   A strain of the earth’s sweet being in the beginning

In Eden garden. – Have, get, before it cloy,         

   Before it cloud, Christ, lord, and sour with sinning,         

Innocent mind and Mayday in girl and boy,         

   Most, O maid’s child, thy choice and worthy the winning.         

  

            California Senate extends protections for paid family leave

The Associated

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — The California Senate is advancing a bill that would expand job protections for those who qualify for paid family leave to care for relatives.

The legislation would ensure that workers who take paid leave to care for grandparents, grandchildren, siblings and in-laws have job security when they return.

Previously, care for these relatives qualified for paid leave but California law didn't ensure they could retain their job.

The state Senate narrowly passed SB 406 by Democratic Sen. Hannah-Beth Jackson of Santa Barbara on a 21-16 vote Thursday, with Republicans opposed.

It also would lower the threshold for small businesses to offer these protections, so it applies to companies with at least 25 employees rather than 50.

Business groups oppose the expansion and have designated the bill as a "job killer."

 Othello

William Shakespeare

 “She gave me for my pains a world of sighs:

She swore, in faith, ‘twas strange, ‘twas passing strange,

'Twas pitiful, 'twas wondrous pitiful:

She wish’d she had not heard it, yet she wish’d

That heaven had made her such a man: she thank’d me,

And bade me, if I had a friend that loved her,

I should but teach him how to tell my story.

And that would woo her. Upon this hint I spake:

She loved me for the dangers I had pass’d,

And I loved her that she did pity them.”

“The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.”

                                                         Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters 

GOOD WORDS TO HAVE

Frugal: Characterized by or reflecting economy in the use of resources. Frugal ultimately derives from the Latin frux, meaning "fruit" or "value," and is even a distant cousin of the Latin word for "enjoy" (frui). The connection between fruit/value and restraint was first made in Latin; the Middle French word that English speakers eventually adopted as frugal came from the Latin adjective frugalis, a frux descendant meaning "virtuous" or "frugal." Although English speakers adopted frugal by the early 17th century, they were already lavishly supplied with earlier coinages to denote the idea, including sparing and thrifty.

GREAT WRITING

 “The teacher is also a woman, but she is older—in her fifties—and possessed with that bizarre and horrifying cruelty so common among people who, although feeble in their own lives, have been bestowed with some level of control over the lives of others.” Gina Nahai, Caspian Rain

  Success vs. Happiness: Don't Be Fooled Into Thinking They're the Same

SARAH VERMUNT

Take a minute to think about how "successful" you are.

Now think about what criteria you used to evaluate yourself. Some people might look to their bank account. Others to various degrees they've collected. Many would look to their relationships with a spouse, their children, their friends. Some might even open their closet and look to their collection of designer shoes, bags and watches.

Do I consider myself "successful?" I do. I've created a pretty awesome business; I’m well respected in my field; and I have multiple degrees. I love my home, and my relationships are strong.

But on the other hand, I don’t own my home. I sold my condo when I divorced. I’m also overweight, which doesn’t exactly paint a picture of success -- especially for a woman. Oh, and I quit my PhD 93 pages into my dissertation.

To some people, I might not look like a smashing success.

“Doubtless you do not hold with those (I need not name them to a man of your reading) who have taught that all matter is sentient, that every atom is a living, feeling, conscious being. I do. There is no such thing as dead, inert matter: it is all alive; all instinct with force, actual and potential; all sensitive to the same forces in its environment and susceptible to the contagion of the higher and subtler ones residing in such superior organisms as it may be brought into relation with, as those of man when he is fashioning it into an instrument of his will. It absorbs something of his intelligence and purpose–more of him in proportion to the complexity of the resulting machine and that of its work.” 

                     Ambrose Bierce, Moxon’s Master

“Hearts united in pain and sorrow

will not be separated by joy and happiness.

Bonds that are woven in sadness

are stronger than the ties of joy and pleasure.

Love that is washed by tears

will remain eternally pure and faithful.”

                                                Kahlil Gibran

“It has been said that life has treated me harshly; and sometimes I have complained in my heart because many pleasures of human experience have been withheld from me…if much has been denied me, much, very much, has been given me…” Helen Keller

“You once said that you would like to sit beside me while I write. Listen, in that case I could not write at all. For writing means revealing oneself to excess; that utmost of self revelation and surrender, in which a human being, when involved with others, would feel he was losing himself, and from which, therefore, he will always shrink as long as he in his right mind… That is why one can never be alone enough when one writes, why there can never be enough silence around one when one writes, why even night is not night enough.”  Franz Kafka

http://www.amazon.com/No-Time-Say-Goodbye-Memoir/dp/0692361294/ 

The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality."

GOOD WORDS TO HAVE

Noblesse oblige:  The obligation of honorable, generous, and responsible behavior associated with high rank or birth.  In French, noblesse oblige means literally "nobility obligates." French speakers transformed the phrase into a noun, which English speakers picked up in the 19th century. Then, as now, noblesse oblige referred to the unwritten obligation of people from a noble ancestry to act honorably and generously to others. Later, by extension, it also came to refer to the obligation of anyone who is in a better position than others—due, for example, to high office or celebrity—to act respectably and responsibly toward others. 

“The struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings.”Helen Keller

Scrambled eggs and whiskey

Hayden Carruth 

Scrambled eggs and whiskey

in the false-dawn light. Chicago,

a sweet town, bleak, God knows,

but sweet. Sometimes. And

weren’t we fine tonight?

When Hank set up that limping

treble roll behind me

my horn just growled and I

thought my heart would burst.

And Brad M. pressing with the

soft stick, and Joe-Anne

singing low. Here we are now

in the White Tower, leaning

on one another, too tired

to go home. But don’t say a word,

don’t tell a soul, they wouldn’t

understand, they couldn’t, never

in a million years, how fine,

how magnificent we were

in that old club tonight.

 “Scrambled Eggs and Whiskey” from Scrambled Eggs and Whiskey: Poems, 1991-1995 by Hayden Carruth, published by Copper Canyon Press in 1996. www.coppercanyonpress.org

“Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself;

Make those that do offend you suffer too.”

Antonio (Much Ado About Nothing, Act V scene ii)

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding… And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy” Kahlil Gibran

“And silence, like darkness, can be kind; it, too, is a language.” Hanif Kureishi, Intimacy and Midnight All Day: A Novel and Stories 

What do we mean by "success" anyway?

My friend and colleague Ryan Coelho says the word “success” is like the word "God." If you ask 100 people what it means, every one of them will have a different answer. He’s right.

On one level, we understand that real success is about happiness. We know this. We’re not shallow and superficial. And yet…

And yet most of us (ahem, even those of us who help people get happy for a living) easily confuse success for happiness -- at least until we wise up.

Look up the word “success” and you’ll find a definition like, “the attainment of wealth, position, honors or the like,” and synonyms like “accomplishment," “prosperity” and “fame." I have nothing against the word success or even its traditional definition. It’s just a word, after all. But let’s call it what it is. It’s a benchmark for performance and attainment -- a measuring stick.

Tangible metrics are important and have their place, particularly in the business world. But if you’re looking for personal fulfillment, it’s not likely that traditional measures of success are going to get you there.

As a society, we've come to believe that success -- stuff and status -- is the Yellow Brick Road. Follow it, and we'll most certainly arrive at the Emerald City. While there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting stuff, status, wealth or acclaim, it’s a mistake to assume that they pave the way to happiness and fulfillment.

"Success" is thrown around so frequently and in such varied contexts that we've forgotten what it really means. It's vague, all encompassing, a catch-all. Success dangles in front of our eyes the things we think will make us happy -- status and stuff.

But we don’t actually want all that. What we want is the way we think the stuff and status is going to make us feel. Big difference. Success, when you boil it down, seems to be about what we think will make us happy. It’s a lure, shiny and seductive -- but there’s a hook: You can do everything right in the pursuit of attaining traditional success, but happiness and personal fulfillment are not guaranteed.

Personally, at the height of my “success,” I was pretty miserable. I’m not saying there’s an inverse relationship between success and happiness, just that there’s not necessarily a positive one. They're two different things.

A popular formula for success and happiness that's guaranteed to fail is the following: When I have (insert measure of success here) I'll be happy. It will fail because one doesn’t necessarily lead to the other.

How you personally define success and how you personally define happiness is entirely up to you. But recognize the difference.

Wishing you happiness -- and success.

http://www.amazon.com

“Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy.”  Thomas Merton

 “The first draft is just you telling yourself the story.” Terry Pratchett