John William Tuohy lives in Washington DC

Find your happiness

Bob Kiser

What is the number one reason people seek my coaching services? They are looking for happiness. It’s something that we all seem to be seeking. It can be very elusive. And yet, there are some general guidelines that often work.
Love yourself. How do you really feel about yourself? If you don’t love yourself, make an effort to figure out why.
Are you going against your values? Are you living a life you aren’t proud of? Change it.
Are you unable to see your good traits, convinced you are worthless? Work on seeing yourself differently.
Esteem-able people do esteem-able things. Start living the life of someone you can love.  If necessary, seek help from a coach or therapist. If you can love yourself, you will be happier.
Be of service to others. All worries and fears are self-centered. So, to be happier, quit thinking about yourself so much.
How? Think about others and their needs. A neighbor needs her sidewalk shoveled? Do it. A friend is struggling to get all her errands done? Offer to do one.
By trying to make someone else’s life better, we get rewarded with the happy feeling we helped someone out.
Be positive. Cutting down on the negativity in your life and concentrating on the positive will boost your happiness. Make a commitment to be a positive force in the world. When you happen upon a conversation of gossip, add a comment to turn it around. When you have a good thought about someone, share it.
You will be happier when you make a commitment to see the positive.
Fight less. This seems like a “duh” moment. Fighting and conflict with others create stress and negativity in our lives. It’s true even for fights in our head.
The other day I heard a man say he gets into fights with people when they aren’t even there. It happens simply in his mind. I could relate.
He becomes so consumed with these fights, his life goes on automatic and he misses out on huge pieces of his day. Akin to drinking blackouts, he called these episodes “being right” blackouts. Let go of these imaginary fights and try to stay present.
Slow down and enjoy the moment. The more you can slow down and ignore regrets about the past and worries about the future, the more peaceful you will be. Happiness can be found in the here and now. You just have to notice it’s there.
Here’s a final thought: On their deathbeds, many people say it wasn’t their jobs or possessions that made them happy, but rather the loving relationships they had in their lives. I am happiest when I am laughing with friends and family. Those are the moments I wish could last forever. Perhaps loving ourselves and connecting with others is what truly bring us happiness.

“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” -Abraham Lincoln

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